BB meets FF
by Dirty Blondes
Summary: This is a little story of the beggining of the series of Big Brother. A couple of characters from 710 have been thrown into the BB house together. With Big Brothers new attitude to housemates and the increasing tension will they cope? Chpt 5 up! Vote now!
1. Housemates enter the BB house

FF Big Brother

"Welcome to the start up for BIG BROTHER 2005!!!" Davina screams at the mental crowd.

""We will be watching them for the next nine weeks in close surveillance. No weapons, no magic but pure entertainment! On a more serious note, if the cameras are attacked or mysteriously destroyed Big Brother will take serious action." Face turns grave and evil.

"Now then let's welcome the first contestant into the house!!!" She screams again louder, the crowd pumping up the hysteria.

"First in will be Tifa, from Sector Seven slums she runs her own bar called, Seventh Heaven and lives with Barret and his daughter Marlene, FACT: she did have relations with a certain Cloud Strife who couldn't be here tonight because he couldn't be bothered! Give it up for TIFA!!!"

Tifa steps out of black car and walks through the crowd to the steps into the Big Brother house.

Is searched by a guard on the stairs enjoying it a little too much. Crowd going mental.

Walks into house waving one last time to the crowd.

"Next we have Red XIII from the Cosmo Canyon, he is part of the Gi Tribe, and real name Nanaki prefers Red XIII. Lives with strange old man who likes to laugh called Buganhagen! FACT: His father was killed protecting his son and city and Red thought he was a coward! What an idiot!"

Red XIII dives out of car and dives onto the stage, three bodyguards materialise protecting Davina. Red XIII ignores them and pads up the stairs.

"WOW What a temper!" Davina jokes.

Red XIII stands on hind legs and roars, crowd go silent, then enters house.

Inside the house Tifa is examining the cushions squeezing them. Then Red XIII storms in.

"HI REDXIII! How ya doing?" She drops cushion.

"Shut up, let us talk about something worthwhile. OK… Like…"  
"Like how rude that Davina bitch is!"

"Ok!"

"WOW they are already at it folks!" Davina yells. Crowd screams.

"Next up we have Cid Highwind, he is a pilot and has always dreamed of flying into space. Unfortunately his girl friend Sheila ruined this dream and he had to abort his mission. FACT: He has quite a potty mouth on him!"

Cid steps out of the car and struts past the crowd.

Goes up the stairs is searched by guard.

"GET YOUR &($ HANDS OFF ME YOU FREAKING PERVERT!" He screams.

"NO, Cid he is making sure you don't have anything illegal on you!" Davina called over.

Cid ignores her and storms up the stairs and through the door.

Inside the house.

"You see, I always felt abandoned as a child, he was never there for me!" Red XIII wiping a tear from his face.

Tifa looks on in awe squeezing her cushion.

"That is IT!" Cid howls as he storms through the door.

"Excuse me we were having a civilised conversation here! How the hell did you get in here?" Red asked looking up.

"UH THE $&&£$ public voted me in so shut $&$$ hole!"

Tifa looks at them both.

"WHY AM I STUCK WITH THE FREAKS?" She screams.

"WOW, this Is gripping television people stay tuned as we add another, WOMAN!"

commercial break

"Welcome back to Big Brother 2005, next in the house we have RINOA HEARTILY!"

A black car pulls up.

"Rinoa is 17, she has a dog called Angelo, and had certain relationships with a Mr. Squall Leonhart. FACT: A sorceress from the future tried to possess Rinoa and destroy the world, Rinoa still has some of that magic in her will she use it?" Davina exaggeratedly raises an eyebrow.

Rinoa walks through the crowd to the steps.

Smiling and waving, enters house pouting for the cameras.

Cid looks up as Rinoa enters.

"AAHHHH! It's a Shannon Doherty look-a-like!"

"£$$££ OFF FREAK!" Rinoa replies in a cool demeanour pouting.

"Hey, I like you!" Rinoa flounces over and sits down on the sofa.

"We have the same hair!" Tifa gushes touching Rinoa's.

"Yup we do!" Rinoa smiles sweetly shuffling away from her.

"WOW can you believe it? SERIOUSLY! A Shannon Doherty look-a-like well I never!" Davina screams. Crowd howls.

"Next in we have… WHERE $£& IS THE &$ CAR?" Davina screams.

A girl in yellow squeezes through the crowd.

"I'M HERE!" She squeals.

"WHY ARE YOU THERE?" Davina shrieks.

"I didn't get the car, I got the train, TEE HEE!"

"WELL THIS IS SELPHIE TILMITT!" Davina screams.

Selphie giggles pushing through the crowd.

"Selphie, loves trains, had relations with a certain, Irvine and used to go to Trabia Garden. Now she works at Balamb on the Garden Festival Committee. FACT: She has an OCD with SUGAR!"

"HEEEEY!" Selphie squealed as she is being searched by guard.

"Ah, ah, ah." Guard says. "She has the white stuff on her!"  
"NO DON'T TAKE MY SUGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Runs into house.

"Ok…." Davina for once speechless. "Well normally they run out of the house! HA!"

Selphie runs in screaming.

Red XIII recounting his tales of pain and loss, everyone intrigues sitting around him squeezing cushions.

"WHERE IS THE SUGAR?" Selphie howls.

"We aren't allowed in the kitchen yet." Tifa replied not looking up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Selphie runs towards the garden, only to run straight into the glass sliding doors that were locked.

"Ooh!" Was the collective sigh.

"Anyway when I was younger there was no one there to…."

"OUCH! Next up we have Zell Dincht from Balamb who STILL lives with his parents. He is 17, a member of SeeD and LOVES hotdogs. FACT: his nickname is chicken wuss."

Zell screamed as he came out of the car.

"IF YOU £$$&S CALL ME THAT I WILL PUNCH YOU SO HARD YOU WON'T HAVE TIME TO $$&$£ SCREAM!"

"I must say as presenter the language tonight has been £$££ appalling!"

Zell entered the house. Although dragged by several body guards. No one really expected FF characters to be so violent. Perhaps it was suffering with those random battles all day…

"Hey! Everyone the Dincht is here." Zell said proudly as he walked through the doors.

"Dincht go back!" Rinoa smirked.

"NO WAY! I was voted in by the people. SO I have a right to be here." Zell replied proudly.

"But you don't have a right to be annoying." Tifa muttered.

"What you say?" Zell clenched his fist.

"WOW! I can't believe they're already at it! And they haven't even been provided with alcohol! FACT: This is about all our contestants by the way! None of them have experienced the wonders of drunkenness!!! How do you think they will cope?" Davina yelled with a tinge of irony in her voice. "Next up we have Eiko Carol of Madain Sari!"

Eiko got out of her car and the first thing she screamed was "MOG YOU GET YOUR LITTLE ORANGE BUTT BACK HERE," But much to her dismay Mog ignored her and she was alone.

"Eiko! Pets are confiscated for the duration of the show!" Davina called to Eiko as she stamped her feet irritated waiting for the moogle to appear.

"Eiko is from the summoner's village, Madain Sari where she lived with a small clan of moogle, her family were killed in a freaky storm and she is the last of her kind excluding of course her Royal Highness Princess Garnet who couldn't be here tonight. FACT: Eiko is 6 years old and has a huge crush on a certain, mister Zidane Tribal.

"YOU MORON IT'S DAGGER!" Eiko howled as she was being searched on the steps to the house.

"Yes sure it is!" Davina smiled and waved at her.

"Bitch!" Eiko muttered as she entered the house. "Why is she on the floor?" She pointed to the twitching body of Selphie.

"No &&((& idea. Do you want to listen or what?" Cid shouted angrily.

"Ok mister." Eiko smiled sweetly flouncing towards them and sitting next to Zell stealing his cushion.

"I know they're quite civilised! Boring isn't it! We don't ask Big Brother for more alcohol?" Davina asked the audience darkly. The cheers were deafening. "Ok but first we get our next housemate. All the way from the Qu's marsh in the mist continent. I give you! QUINA!" Quina stuck it's tongue out the blacked out windows in the car. There was a sudden scream in the crowd. The door opened and the crowd erupted into scream of panic. Quina waddled out of the car, but suddenly stopped. It was stuck.

"ME STUCK!" It cried. Davina gave out a laugh.

"Guys! Quina is stuck!" She said enthusiastically. Eventually the driver had to go around the other side and push Quina out. Quina fell on it's front. Because it was lying on it's tongue it couldn't say anything so it waved it's arms madly. The crowd started laughing. This was too rich!

"Quina is a Qu from the mist continent. His master is Quen and Quen has taught Quina many things. From how to protect his tongue from the dangers of white tongue and how to cook precious gourmet meals. FACT: Quina's favourite food is FROGS!" The crowd gave a nervous laugh. But when the driver couldn't put Quina up right the laugh was full on. Several body guards had to come and put Quina up right. The crowd was in fits.

"I think we'll take a commercial break while our men try to figure this out.

Commercial Break

"Sick of dull lifeless hair?" Celes shook her golden locks in front of the television.

"Want something new?" Claudia Schiffer walked on and did the same.

"Loreal!" The both said at the same time.

"Because you're worth it!" Locke's head appeared on the screen.

"LOCKE GET OUT OF MY VIEW!" Cele's voice screeched.

"Sorry! Buy Loreal!" Locke sniggered.

Commercial break over

"We're back. Just so you know we got Quina in the house." Davina gave a weak laugh. "We now have our next contestant. VIVI!" Vivi walked out of the car then tripped over his cloak. A large "aww" went through the crowd quickly. Vivi picked himself up brushed himself down and sorted his hat. And began to waddle for the stairs to the BB house, "VIVI is a Black Mage and used to live with his Grandpa, a Qu like a Quina called Quan, Vivi has extremely powerful black magic and loves to set fire to things… oh look there he is now!" Davina screeched.

The guard on the stairs searching Vivi had made him fell a little uncomfortable. So Vivi set his glasses on fire and waddled into the house.

"FACT ON VIVI: his grandpa tried to eat him but he was never big enough."

Vivi stumbled into the house everyone had gotten progressively more bored with Red's depressing life so were now playing truth or dare. Eiko in particular was loving this game.

"I dare… hmm… Rinoa to kiss Cid!" Eiko laughed.

"EW!" Rinoa groaned.

"Oooh!" Cid smiled puckering up.

Squall sat staring intently at the screen of his TV. He puts his fingers to his temples, imagine it was me, imagine it was me!

"Mwah!" Rinoa pecked Cid on the cheek.

"AW!" Everyone groaned.

"AW!" Squall grunted.

"AW!" Davina howled. "How romantic!"

"Next up we have, RIKKU!"

Rikku clambered out of the car, in true model style tripping slightly over the door.

"Rikku currently stars in a lingerie advert that will be hitting the box soon, keep your eyes peeled for it! She is an Al Bhed and works on her Dad's airship, she works with Lady Yuna and is looking for love." A million wolf whistle erupted from the crowd. Rikku grinned and waved at them. Walking past the guards to the door, blowing a kiss before entering, not before Davina mentioned, "FACT: NEVER HAD A FIRST KISS!!" Rikku paused swinging around to glare at Davina. The crowd goes silent.

"Hey I can't hear anything, they are all quiet!" Red XIII said.

"Wonder why?" Vivi mused.

"THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE, I NEED TO SPEAK TO MY AGENT HOW DID SHE KNOW THAT??????????????????"

Rikku stormed into the house.

"Davina?" Red XIII asked.

"How did you know?" Rikku asked throwing herself onto the sofa.

The whole group collectively sigh.

"Our second last contestant is YUNA!"

The crowd were reaching hysteria as Yuna got out of her car, and walked past them. The crowd were trying to grab her, Yuna petrified ran for the guards!

"YOU LOVE HER I LOVE HER WE ALL LOVE HER! YUNA!!!!!!" Davina screeched.

"Yuna was born in Bevelle and lived in Besaid most her young life being tutored by Lulu and Wakka, her father was the High Summoner Braska and she defeated Sin, she is now here to live with the most dysfunctional lot of so-and-sos the producers could come up with, will she survive? Undoubtedly NO!"

"HEY!" Yuna screamed pausing before going through the doors.

"FACT: Her boyfriend is also going into the house!"

"WHAT?" Yuna asked genuinely surprised.

Inside the house, "OK, I dare… uh Zell, to lick Red XIII's ear!" Cid said laughing insanely as the doors creaked open and Yuna walked in.

"Oh my GOD!" Yuna rushed over to Selphie, "Is she ok?"

"Don't know, don't care!" Zell said squirming as he approached Red who was growling at him.

"Do it and you won't have a tongue!"

Commercial break

Sorry we are experiencing some technical difficulties concerning the housemates and their welfare tongues.

"OUR FINAL CONTESTANT IS TIDUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Davina howled the crowd's screams were deafening.

"Tidus was born in Zanarkand 1000 years ago, he was transported to our time then was killed and now is here to do Big Brother, what a great sport!"

Tidus dived out of the car and threw his arms into the air absorbing the crowds cheers nodding his head.

"FACT: His father was the great Blitzball player Jecht and called him cry-a-baby"

"OI!"

The crowd quietened.

"AW DAMMIT!" Tidus raced to the door ignoring the guards and racing into the house before anyone could catch him.

"WELL THERE IS THE CONTESTANTS I'LL SEE YOU LATER WITH NEWS FROM THE HOUSE BUT FOR NOW HERE IS WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE HOUSE! GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!" Davina screamed.

Theme music plays.

"I say we KILL HER!" Red XIII growled.

"I agree," Rinoa nodded.

No one could argue there.

"You hear that Davina your DEAD!" Zell yelled with a lisp his lip bleeding.


	2. Week 1 in the BB house

_**Disclaimer**_

_**I do not own Big Brother or Final Fantasy characters.**_

_**I'm also sorry if I insult Davina Mc' Call she is very good at her job.**_

_**I am just a kid who had a very rainy weekend.**_

**Big Brother Week 1**

_**Studio**_

"Well, this week has been extremely entertaining, even after last week's…. murder attempt.

"Keep watching to discover about that. Welcome to BIG BROTHER!" Davina looks up at the ceiling as the camera moves up there.

Theme tune plays

"Well this is probably the most exciting week ever in Big Brother history, not only have the housemates planned _three_ attempts on _my _ life but on each others too!" Davina gushed.

_Day one in the Big Brother House_

_**Diary Room**_

_**8.20am**_

"I swear to GOD, if he mentions hotdogs ONE more time, I will turn his Jacobs into one!" Cid fumed in the diary room chair.

"And how does that make you feel ?" Big Brother asked.

"I just told you!!!!" Cid not finding this amusing at all.

"What are you going to do about it?" Big Brother asked.

"Well, I might smash your stupid cameras first then…"  
"About Zell." Big Brother cuts in.

"KILL HIM!"

_**8.30am**_

"HOTDOGS! IF I HEAR ONE MORE THING ABOUT FREAKING HOTDOGS I'M GOING TO CHOKE THE $£&$&£ WITH ONE!" Rinoa screamed.

"And how does that make you feel?"  
Rinoa glares at the camera pouting. "Mad!"

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Oh. My. GOD! Big Brother you are a genius! I am going to burn the hotdogs!" Rinoa rushed out of the diary room. "WHERE'S VIVI?"

_**8.35am**_

"She made me do it I didn't mean to!" Vivi whimpered.

"How does that make you feel?" Big Brother asked in a bored voice.

"I feel like burning the sugar!"

"You do that." Big Brother yawns.

_**8.45am**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"How does it make you feel?"

"What the hell are you going on about?" Selphie screeched.

"I mean… what's wrong Selphie?"

"I am going to kill that short little cute thing!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Why?"

"He burned the sugar! THAT LITTLE FREAK!"

"What are you going to do about it?"  
"I'm going to stick him in the oven!"

_**Studio**_

"Isn't it brilliant viewing isn't it?" Davina asks as the camera focuses on her. "That happened about 20 minutes after everyone got up!" Davina grins practically salivating in the studio.

"We'll see you after the commercial break. "_DON'T MOVE!"_

_Commercial break_

_ plinky-plonky music plays _

"_Are you sick of feeling old?" Tellah asks._

"_Hell yes!" Auron replies._

"_Feel as though everyone is quicker than you?"_

"_I can't even take two steps without passing out!"_

"_Are you an ex-alcoholic?"_

"_Uh…. No comment!"_

"_Well here is the solution to all your problems!"_

"_**CAFFEINE!" Buganhagen says.**_

"_Caffeine?" Auron repeats._

"_Yes, it speeds up your heart rate and is an excellent thing to addict your self to instead of alcohol, instead of chocolate or even nicotine!" Buganhagen says grinning widely._

"_You'll be the life and soul of the old folks home!" Tellah says surrounded by nurses._

"_I never knew, now I will only buy caffeine!" Auron smiles holding a can out for the camera to see._

**Studio**

"I guess I'll buying lots of caffeine from now on!" Davina nods head hypnotically.

_Narrator : It's 10.00am in the Big Brother house. The Housemates have eaten practically their entire food stock for the week and are now bored with each other. Rinoa and Tifa are currently doing each other's hair, Selphie is trying to drown herself in the hot tub, Vivi is trying to coax her out, Tidus and Yuna are smooching in the bedroom, Zell and Cid have tried to kill each other twice and Quina has it's head stuck in the fridge no one can be bothered to help it out. Rikku and Eiko are playing tag._

**Sitting room - 10.00am**

"Ok this place is beginning to make me lose my mind!" Red XIII said to no one in particular sitting on the sofa.

"Damn I'm bored."

He pads over to a mirror and adjusts his head dress. Leaps over to Quina and sinks a claw into Quina.

"AYIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Quina squealed.

"Ok, don't do this you know you don't want to!" Vivi said softly to Selphie.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO GO THROUGH THIS? NO SUGAR NO LIFE!" Selphie sticks her head in the water.

"AH! That's cold!" She squeals and walks into the living area holding Vivi's hand.

"_Can Selphie please come to the Diary room." _

"NO" She said sitting down watching Quina run away from Red XIII chasing him around the kitchen

"_Excuse me this is Big Brother's house you will do as I say!"_

"Go to hell bitch!"

"_&$$ off!"_

"Can't sorry!"

"_Why you little cow!"_

"Say it louder let all the kiddies hear ya!"

"Don't make her mad, Selphie she could take your sugar away!" Vivi pointed out.

"SO WHAT SHE CAN'T MAKE ME DO THINGS! I'M NOT A DOG!"

_Narrator: Unsurprisingly Selphie was given her first official warning and also the house would be without sugar for 2 weeks. Selphie threatened to kill herself so the punishment was shortened to a week. Anything to shut her up! The housemates survived without any 'incidents' until dinner time, Rinoa volunteered to cook with Yuna._

**5.30pm**

"Yuna pass me the salt." Rinoa asked as she was standing over a bubbling pan.

"Nope, none left."

"Ok, uh sugar." A small groan echoed from Selphie.

"Nope."

"Any spices?"

"Nope!"  
"Powder?"

"Nada. No wait we have washing up powder?"

"It'll do." Rinoa poured half the box into the pan. It started to froth.

"Uh-oh!"

"Hey something smells great!" Tidus mused as he sat on the sofa.

"Yeah, doesn't it!" Rikku smiled.

"Yeah Rinoa you should cook more often!" Eiko grinned.

"Sure!" Rinoa replied distractedly.

The froth started to set fire.

"Quina smells, yummy-yummies!" Quina said waddling in from the bathroom.

"POOOOO! Do NOT go in there!" Tifa said coming from the bathroom with a towel over her shoulder.

"Why?" Cid asked sitting on the sofa.

"Because, Quina must excrete toxic waste or something! It WREEKS!" Tifa replied.

"How's dinner coming along?" Zell asked. The sofa positioned in front of the kitchen so no one could see what was happening.

The froth began to go everywhere, setting everything alight as it went.

"Uh… GREAT! AH!" Yuna screamed flames were crawling up her skirt.

Vivi walked in.

"AHHH FIRE!"

"Fire?" Everyone asked.

"FIRE, FIRE, FIRE!" Vivi howled.

Everyone starts to scream simultaneously.

Rinoa starts filling a jug with water and throws it over the froth. The froth fizzles out. Vivi casts a water spell on the rest of the fire.

"_Can a non hysterical housemate please come to the Diary Room please"_

No one moved.

"_Can a non hysterical housemate please come to the Diary Room please"_

Everyone remained still all breathing heavily.

"_For crap's sake you aren't all hysterical!!!" _

The housemates ignore Big Brother.

**Studio**

"Wow incredible, their first day, three murder attempts, one suicidal one, a fire and the whole house received formal warnings. It's really exciting folks isn't it? Well that night Yuna and Tidus made the decision it was time to take it steady and not make too much noise at night and everyone whole heartedly allowed them to do so. Apart from mushy-gushy crap from the two nothing else happened that day but day 2 was extremely exciting! See you after this commercial break"

"_When your down and weary, and you need a helping hand…_

_Buy a one of a kind back-scratcher!_

_These handy hands with adjustamatic lengths can itch you in the most hard to reach places so go and buy one PLEASE or they'll force me into retirement early! NOOOOOOOOO!"_

"Well then day 2 was just as exciting as day one even more!" Davina coos showing her pearly whites.

"So to watch more pain and suffering off a bunch of complete lunatics then keep watching, and that's just Vivi and Selphie!" Davina raises an eyebrow.

"Who writes this crap?" She groans.

"Uh. Camera 3 is still on Davina."

"Oh uh…. Enjoy the show!"

_Narrator: It's Day 2 in the Big Brother house, Rinoa is cooking Breakfast. Lord help us._

**Kitchen - 10.30am**

"RINOA, you are not cooking are you?" Zell asked.

"Sure I am!" She replied coolly.

"Uh… why?"  
"I'm hungry why not?"

"Well you did cause a fire!"

"Well I locked all the breakfast stuff in the top cupboard so Quina wouldn't eat it!"

"Uh huh so that's your excuse?"

"Yup," She tossed a sausage in the pan.

"Hotdogs?" Zell asked his mouth beginning to water.

"Sausages," Rinoa corrected him sternly.

"WOO HOO HOTDOGS!"

"NO! NOT HOTDOGS!"

**Diary room - 11.45am**

Zell in hysterics.

"She lied to me she said they were hotdogs… and they _weren't_!" Bursts into tears.

"Can Big Brother suggest something to you Zell?"

"Sure…" Sniffled Zell.

"GET A GRIP MAN!"

Door slams.

**Garden - 2.00pn**

_Narrator: Zell has refused to talk to Rinoa or Big Brother anymore. Rikku and Eiko have just blown the porch chair set up with a box of matches and a hell of a lot of hairspray, Quina has eaten every last thing in the kitchen and is currently drinking from the toilet. Tidus is in the Diary Room talking to Big Brother about Zanarkand, Big Brother is snoring. _

"Did you see that bang?" Tifa asked Rikku and Eiko as they tried to blow up the grass.

"Nope, not us!" Eiko sniggered.

"Ok!" Tifa went and sunbathed on the grass with Yuna, Selphie and Rinoa.

"Don't blow anything expensive up!" Rinoa called over to them.

"US? Never!" Rikku sounded almost hurt at this.

"Yeah what ever Rikku!" Yuna sneered.

"Hey why don't we get some more hairspray?" Eiko suggested.

"Alright!" Rikku grinned.

"Cid can you really make a hover craft in here?" Zell asked completely amazed by Cid's sudden outcome.

"Why of course!" Cid said almost daring him to say no. But Zell was too scared to even move. "Just give me some airbags and a leaf blower and we're outta here in proper Kuja style. With an air bag rather than a silver dragon…"

"Yeah that's great and everything but we need a leaf blower for that." Red XIII pointed out. "And they obviously don't provide us with one because there are no trees in the garden."

"Then we use Vivi and his little black magic spells!" Cid laughed.

"What if he refuses?" Red XIII said unfazed by the confidence of Cid.

"Then I'll make him do it!" Cid clenched his fist. "Where is the little guy anyway?"

"Bed. He's tired." Zell smiled.

"Aw! We'll wait then! In the mean time let's make my hover craft." Cid grinned.

**7.39 pm.**

_Narrator: Vivi still hasn't woken up and the house mates have finished the meal that Tidus cooked. Although it was extremely small since Quina had found a secret stash of food and there was only one stash he had not found. Eiko and Rikku have also found the supply of alcohol Big Brother has provided. They're drinking it now._

"Wow this stuff is nice!" Selphie smiled taking a large gulp vodka.

"Yeah it tastes great! Better than anything I've ever drank in my life!" Rikku fell back onto the chair.

"_Will Eiko please come to the diary room?" _ Big Brother's voice chimed through the living room.

"Fine!" Eiko wandered into the living room sulkily. She sat on the chair.

"What?" she asked a childish manner coming across from the way she folded her arms.

"You are not allowed to drink the alcohol." Big Brother replied.

"But WHY not?" Eiko shocked and irritated.

"Because you are underage! And you're parents will sort out a law suit if we let you. So they answer is no!" Big Brother seemed pretty adamant about this. "Let's just say you're the designated driver. You are in charge when everyone gets drunk."

"Oooh I like the sound of that!" Eiko stroked her chin maliciously.

"You may now leave." Big Brother commanded.

"Hey you're the boss." Eiko jumped off the chair quite happily.

**8.07pm**

"Wow I feel weird." Tidus gulped. Eiko secretly giggling.

"Me too." Selphie fell onto the sofa.

"I know! Why don't we play truth or dare now?" Eiko suggested.

"YEAH!" Cid was extremely enthusiastic!

"Me first." Zell put his hand up.

_Narrator: The housemates have been playing truth or dare for ten minutes then locked Eiko out in the garden because she was too loud, Eiko is now smashing things up. Rinoa is unconscious in the kitchen, Rikku and Yuna collapsed in the bathroom and Cid is asleep in the Diary Room chair the other housemates are all in bed._

**Diary Room**

Big Brother: "Uh… Cid?"

Big Brother: "Wake up!"

"…"

Big Brother: "BOO!"

"Bah, stupid camera!" Cid knocks camera off the stand, lens smashes.

**Studio**

Davina starts screaming with laughter.

"Well, in Day 3 the housemates learn a valuable lesson about Big Brother and are becoming so desperate for food they started a rebellion." Davina turns and looks at the screen.

_Narrator: Day 3 in the Big Brother house Cid is asleep in the Diary room Big Brother has been trying to wake him up since 10.00pm last night, failing and falling asleep himself._

**Diary Room - 4.00am**

"CID WAKE UP YOU DEAF PRAT!"

"AH, oh my god, sorry Big Brother. Bye…"

**7.30am**

"FOOOOOD! Big Brother you should give Quina a trough of food then some for the rest of the house, we have NO food!" Red XIII groans.

"Big Brother presumes you tried to hide the food?"  
"Yes we did, but he found them."  
"Well it's not Big Brother's problem please leave the Diary Room."

**7.32am**

"Need sugar, need sugar! NEED SUGAR!" Selphie was rubbing her fingers and her pupils were way too big.

"Big Brother will not provide anymore sugar." Big Brother replies.

"BUT! NEED SUGAR!" Selphie whines.

"No more sugar. You may now leave the diary room."

"Not until I get sugar." Selphie crosses her arms.

"Selphie! Other people need to use the diary room!" Rinoa's voice came through the fabricated door.

"Oh fine!" Selphie pouted and left.

**7.37am**

"ARE YOU ENJOYING WATCHING US GET STARVED TO DEATH?" Rinoa screams.

"Well, you should have thought about that before you entered the house!"

"You are so immature!" Rinoa folded her arms.

"I'm immature? I'm not screaming the place down because a mini mammoth ate my food now am I?"

"$&$ YOU!" Rinoa leaves the Diary Room.

**7.45am**

"You really upset Rinoa you know!" Rikku fumes.

"So?"

"Well she's not talking to you anymore!"  
"Fine by me!"

"You're an asshole!"

"Cry me a river love!"

"You know what you are soo… soo… uh… can we have some bread please cos we are like soo hungry please!" Rikku begs.

**7.50am**

"WHADYA MEAN YOUR NOT FEEDING US?" Zell shrieked.  
"I mean your friend ate all the food its not Big Brother's fault!"

"I thought Big Brother was a neutral party!" Zell whined.

"So what! I'm not get a grip! What are you going to cry now?"  
"No!" Zell sniffles and runs out of the room bottom lip wobbling.

_Narrator: All of the housemates are sick of Big Brother and have started a silence strike. Big Brother is now pissed off at them so isn't talking to them at all either. Non of the housemates have said a word for 8 hours. _

_Big Brother is beginning to take drastic measures to make them talk._

_**Bathroom - 3.20pm**_

Big Brother locks the housemates in the bathroom and steals the fridge, the sofa and all the kitchen appliances including the alcohol. The housemates are currently jammed together in the bathroom it is far to small for all of them. Quina is pinned against the glass and let's off a low long fart.

Everyone's faces scrunch up and everyone holds their noses.

**Big Brother's special room - 3.29pm**

Big Brother puts his hand over the microphone and sniggers. Then pushes the button say ants.

**Bathroom - 3.30pm**

A gas seeps into the room through a vent by the shower and small green ants start swarming into the bathroom.

Eiko clambers onto Tidus' shoulders. He hits her she stays put. Then the showers turn on completely soaking, Tidus, Eiko, Quina, Tifa and Cid. Cid growls. Quina whimpers. Everyone jiggles and fidgets as the ants crawl all over them.

Big Brother has unlocked the door from the bathroom. No one notices as they are all jammed together on the other side of the room.

Rinoa stifles a scream as the toilet explodes the whole bathroom is drenched Rinoa stumbles over to the door and falls through the thin plywood, even though Big Brother had unlocked it. Everyone else fell through the door all landing on Rinoa.

Rinoa screams but it is drowned out by the housemates as they all land on her.

Eiko runs over everyone's shoulders and Vivi stays back while everyone falls out and uses the other door.

**4.00pm**

"THAT IT!"

"…"

"QUINA SURRENDERS! MAKE THEM TALK BIG BROVER. PLEASE. PLEASE GIVE THEM FOOD!"

"…"

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Quina howls running towards the Diary Room, the door swings open for him. Quina trips over the step going head first towards the door.

"OOH!" Everyone collectively winces.

_Narrator: Quina has been wedged in the Diary Room door for the past hour._

_**5.00pm**_

"That's it we can't leave him jammed there forever!" Eiko groaned.

"Why not? It's not like we are talking to Big Brother!" Rinoa sulked.

"But Quina says there is food in there!" Tidus points out.

"Yeah but Quina says stuff like, 'I on diet,' doesn't mean it's true!" Tifa frowns.

"And how would we get it out?" Red XIII sighed.

"Do your claw thing you did to it yesterday?" Selphie suggests.

"No. I got fat all over my claws. It was revolting."

"Fine, but what?" Yuna asks.

The housemates are sitting in a circle on the floor because Big Brother has taken the sofa.

"We could get Vivi to set his butt on fire?" Eiko grins cheekily.

"That won't help!" Selphie gives her a condescending look.

"It would help me!" Eiko giggles.

"Sure, but what?" Cid asks.

Everyone shrugs.

**5.37pm**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! IT BURNS!" Vivi was positioned behind Quina slowly set fire to his ass.

"AAAAAH!"

"Almost done!" Only a small part of Quina's butt wasn't singed or black now.

Eiko sighs and jumps through the miniature whole between Quina and the door frame.

"Big Brother we officially surrender. "

Small no's came from the back ground but Eiko continued.

"We want our food back. We want our sofa back and mostly we want Quina out of the door. Ooh and we want the bathroom back. Zell tried to go in but it was too full and he swore the ants growled at him."

"Big Brother wishes to hear an apology." Big Brother replied.

"We're really, really sorry." Eiko put on some puppy dog eyes.

"Big Brother requests that you all go to the bedroom while Big Brother sorts this mess you have all made out."

Eiko went slightly red in the face but bit her tongue and left.

**Bedroom 9.00pm**

_Narrator: The house mates have been locked in the bedroom for the last 4 and a half hours. Many have actually threatened to eat their socks and others have collapsed on the beds. Big Brother has provided some relaxing music to drown out the heavy work and screams caused by Quina._

"How much longer must we live like this?" Rikku whined.

"Until they get Quina out the door. There's a lot to move." Tidus sighed sitting beside Yuna on the double bed.

"These don't smell nice." Vivi sighed as he pulled his sock out of the miniature fire he had made.

"Yeah but it's all we've got!" Eiko moaned. Staring at hers. "You go first."

"Aiye!" Quina ran into the bedroom. He looked no different to what he had a few hours ago.

"QUINA! Have they got the sofa back?" Tifa stood up.

"Have they got the fridge back?" Cid asked.

"Is there any food?" Zell glared at him.

Quina waddled over to his bed (which is on the floor since he broke it on his first night) and fell asleep.

"Oh good." Vivi smiled. "I'm a little tired too. I think I'll turn in for tonight." Vivi wandered over to his bed and fell asleep immediately.

"Let's go get something to eat." Selphie whispered and the rest of the housemates crept out the room.

**Studio**

"Well what did I tell ya? I told ya this one is a classic! Honestly if you like this you're going to love the next half! See ya in two while we have a commercial break!" Davina smiled.

Commercial Break

"Have you got the Glo?" Lulu's face covered the screen.

Goes black.

"Get the Glo." Jennifer Lopez's voice echoes.

"Stop!" Lulu's face appears on full screen.

"Don't get the glow! Get the Lu." She pulls out a bottle of black perfume.

"Sponsored by J-lo" J-Lo's voice echoed again

Commercial Break

**Studio**

"Welcome back!" Davina's voice shrilled. "Now it's day four in the big brother house and this means that the housemates must nominate. This was very easy for some and well… easier for the rest."

**Diary Room 10.07am.**

_Narrator the house mates have been gathered on the sofa. The sofa was returned after the silence strike ended. The housemates are being called in in the order that they arrived in the house. But the diary room door has been removed. First up was Tifa._

"I'm probably going to have to say number 1, Quina. For obvious reasons. It eats everything! I am starving! I have been in here for only a few days and I swear I may have lost a stone already!" Tifa whispered as people tried desperately to look through the door from where they were sitting.

"Next nomination please." Big Brother replied.

"Umm. Probably Selphie. Because she's always threatening to kill herself or obsessing over sugar."

"Thank you Tifa for voting for Quina and Selphie."

Quina and Selphie start groaning

"Please return to the sofa. And do not tell anyone about your nomination."

"HEY THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

Red XIII is next into the Diary Room for his nomination.

"I nominate, Quina and Selphie because they both have an OCD on food. They are driving me insane, so much I am going to climb onto the roof and kill them."  
"Uh huh, Thank you for voting for Selphie and Quina now get lost." Big Brother said.

Cid ambles into the Diary Room, "WHAT WAS THAT BIG BROTHER? I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Shut up Cid and give me your nomination."

"FINE! I VOTE FOR SELHPIE AND QUINA!"

"WHAT?" Selphie howled from outside.

Quina bursts into tears.

"Why?" Big Brother asked.

"BECAUSE I HATE THEM!"

"Get lost Cid."

"OK, you think they heard me?"

"Yes almost certainly now go."

"Uh… I don't know who to vote for…" Rinoa groans as she slumps in the Diary room chair.

"Well, here's a tip just say Selphie and Quina?" Big Brother advises.

"Why?"  
"Because everyone else is."  
"Ok, Selphie and Quina because BB told me to!" Rinoa gets up and flounces out of the Diary Room.

"Uh… Rinoa that's not what I meant, you had to think of something a reason perhaps? Rinoa? Grrr!"

"You know what, I don't care it's over! It's not me it's you au revoir BB!"

"Selphie shut up and nominate before I evict you for pissing Big Brother off."

"Ok, me and Quina."  
"No."

"Why?"

"Because, I said so now vote for someone else."

"No!" Selphie sulks.

"Selphie… you are trying my patience."

"So what give me sugar!"

"No."

_Narrator: Selphie has been automatically placed up for eviction because Big Brother got sick of her. Enough said._

Zell's nominations went like this:  
Zell: Hello BB, Quina and Selphie because I hate them goodbye BB.

BB: Goodbye Zell

_Narrator: every one else also voted for Selphie and Quina. Even Quina. Now the housemates are in the garden. Big Brother has planned a little surprise for them._

**4.00pm**

_The housemate are in the garden with Red XIII threatening to leave them._

"PLEASE don't go Red, you're the only sane person in this house!" Tifa yelled as he jumped onto the roof.

"I'm not leaving forever… you may see me in 9 weeks."

"NOOOO!" Tifa howls.

Red XIII walks to edge of the roof to jump off and is electrocuted by the electric fence surrounding the edge of the roof.

"Hey, did Big Brother do that?" Eiko asked ambling towards the roof.

"Yes, Big Brother did electrocute Red XIII. Will Red please get off the roof." Big Brother yelled.

"NO! Not until I kill that Davina bitch!" Red XIII hollered. "How dare she speak of my father that way!"

"Hey, it's not my fault she has problems ok, she is a gossip monger get over it, or I will lock you in the toilet with Quina!"

Red XIII howls insanely and leaps down from the roof.

"Hey thanks for coming down Red XIII!" Tifa smiles.

The other housemates who ignored the situation completely are now playing Twister in the hot tub.

_**Studio**_

"I don't know about you but Red XIII is a bit scary when he is mad!" Davina grins at the camera.

_Change of camera angle._

"As you know now you have to vote for the person to be evicted from the Big Brother house, and if I were being honest… kick Selphie out!"

"Here is what you the public think."

"I think, keep Quina in, I mean if he keeps eating their food better viewing for the ever so evil public!"

"BB, I am loving your work! Keep Selphie in. Quina is useless! Get him out! Oh yeah and next get Red XIII out cos' like that thing on the roof! Soooo masculine attention seeking, I mean come ON!"

"I like Rinoa the best! She is HOT baby YEAH! Uh… Quina out because Selphie is just so cute man!"

"GET SELPHIE OUT! WHO GETS ADDICTED TO SUGAR GET A GRIP LOVE!"

"I am loving Tifa at the minute!!! She is working the house! Uh… keep Quina in the women loose weight and look hotter!"

"Hey what happened to Cid's hover thingy? Oh well he's probably still making it and stuff. Well Quina in so he smashes it!"

"So Quistis what are your views?"

Quistis stares at camera condescendingly.

"Selphie in that's great, bye Quistis…"

"So there is what the public think, now it is up to you! Get voting now, because the person who is leaving is leaving on the 6th day not the 7th HA! This is so exciting! Big Brother has informed me he just cant wait to actually boot someone out the house!"

"Well then Red XIII wasn't kidding about killing me, he made a mini me with a pillow and ripped it to shreds…" Davina looks slightly afraid… "Then the other housemates begin to copy!"

_**9pm bedroom**_

_Narrator: The housemates have found Red's new 'game' fascinating and are now donating pillows to it's cause._

"Right now pretend she insulted Cosmo Canyon!" Cid said giggling putting a pillow in front of Red XIII.

"AAAAH DAVINA I HATE YOU I WILL KILL YOU, YOUR HOME AND YOUR FATHER!"

All the housemates fall to the floor with laughter as Red XIII rips Cid's cushion to shreds.

"How about Bugenhagen!" Tifa smiled putting her pillow in front of him.

"DON'T YOU GET IT DAVINA I HAVE A LIFE THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU AND NO ONE'S LIFE WILL INVOLVE YOU WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU!"

The housemates laugh insanely rolling across the floor as Red shreds Tifa's pillow.

"Ok now… wait where are all the pillows?" Rinoa asks looking around. The room in covered in white feathers.

_**Studio**_

"I think that this footage proves that the housemates have gone insane, mad, cuckoo, off-the-wall!

"Isn't it brilliant people?

"I mean who would want to kill me? Seriously?"  
Camera switches off.

"…"

_Commercial break_

"_Look at this!" a squeaky voice chimes. _

_Steiner walks on_

"_Look at how rusty that armour is!" the voice trilled_

"_OI!" Steiner retorts_

"_Get rid of it with Mr Muscle rust remover!" The voice laughs. _

_A white wall goes over Steiner_

_Steiner no longer Rusty_

"_Amazing! Now Zidane cant call me rusty!" Steiner give out a loud laugh._

"_Mr Muscle loves the jobs you hate!" a more bored voice answers_

_End of commercial break._

**Studio**

"Welcome back we're on day 5 now!" Davina laughs enthusiastically. "Right you know the Selphie drama and the Red drama. Well they get on to a climax today when Red starts to get really hungry and Selphie almost succeeds in her suicide attempt." Davina gives out another laugh bearing her well structured mouth of pearly whites.

_Narrator: Selphie is in the diary room talking to Big Brother about the amount of sugar she has had in the last week, and also how it's not enough. Zell is throwing rocks and Red to try and get him to come down. But Red is asleep. The rest of the girls are sunbathing and Tidus is talking to Cid._

**10.13am Kitchen**

"I'm telling you it's so easy!" Cid said giving a loud laugh after.  
"Yeah but don't you think Big Brother would do something about it if you actually made your… hovercraft." Tidus said unconvinced and suddenly feeling like the responsible one.

"Big Brother can kiss my hairy ass, cos if this works I'm going to fly out of this place and go and get a proper meal!" Cid gave another loud laugh.

"Cid shut up! Your freaking laugh is giving me a headache!" Rinoa squealed from the garden.

"NO!" Cid spat. "I can do what I freaking well like!" He looked at Tidus.

"Well there are some rules…" Tidus shrugged.

"Shut up!" Cid growled.

**Diary Room**

"Listen! I am running out of time! If I don't get sugar I'm going to die!" Selphie was clasping her hands together begging.

"Selphie you have no medical condition that forces you to have sugar. Therefore Big Brother will not provide sugar no matter how much you beg." Big Brother's voice was very final.

"B-b-b-but! Sugar!!!!" Selphie whined.

"NO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

**12pm in the living area**

_Narrator: Yuna once again volunteered to make the lunch but after much loud persuasion off her fellow housemates allowed Tifa and Rinoa to make it._

_**Kitchen**_

"Ok so now we add some salt." Tifa instructed as Rinoa busied herself with the blancmange.

"Why salt?" Rinoa asked shaking some over the blancmange.

Tifa shrugged.

"Ok and how is my mince pie coming along?" Tifa asked walked out into the garden.

Rinoa glanced at the oven.

"They are blackening off now!" She said coolly.

Tifa paused and raced to the oven.

"THEY ARE BURNT!" She screamed. "Oh well they will have to do!" And she shrugged her shoulders and served them on a plate.

_**Diary Room**_

_**12.30pm**_

"BB I think I'm gonna hurl!" Zell said squeamishly.

"Big Brother is going to provide the house with indigestion tablets as soon as we can, if you are going to hurl do it in the bathroom please Zell!"

"Thanks BB!" Zell staggered out of the Diary Room.

_**12.35pm**_

"Where are the tablets BB? Huh?" Eiko asked annoyed.

"They are coming Eiko!"

_**12.40pm**_

"NEVER LET THEM COOK AGAIN!" Quina howled.

"I won't Quina please leave the Diary room."

"ok."

_**12.45pm**_

"We didn't mean to food poison them did we Tifa?" Rinoa pleaded.

"Hey we all got an agenda in this house!" Tifa snorted.

"Wait that was your plan all along! Now they hate me too!" Rinoa whimpered.

"So?"

"Big Brother suggests that if you two do have a cat fight do it in the garden where there are lots of cameras."

_**12.50pm**_

"Tidus, the indigestion tablets have arrived. Please share them out equally between the housemates." Big Brother said smoothly.

"But there are only 8..." Tidus looked at the packet confused.

"I know." Big Brother replied simply.

_**12.55pm**_

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DIDN'T GIVE ME ONE!" Selphie squealed.

"Maybe it's because he doesn't like you." Big Brother said simply.

"BUT HE GAVE ONE TO YUNA! AND THE BITCHES WHO CAUSED THIS!!!" She shouted still in hysterics.

"Selphie you will make yourself more ill if you carry on like that. Please leave the Diary Room."

"I WILL NOT!" Selphie screeched. "Ow my tummy…" And hobbled out of the diary room.

_**Studio**_

"Just so you know the other housemate not to receive the indigestion tablet was Red XIII because he didn't come down for food and began laughing when people started holding their tummies. And Cid and also Eiko. Who were both as irritated. But since its early we can't show it on television." Davina gave out a loud snort of laughter. "But that wasn't a very interesting day. So that's it for this first episode of Big Brother. Tomorrow we will have the eviction, can't wait." Davina smiled sweetly. "Bye!" She trilled. The camera moved up to the roof getting the final shot of Davina's head.

Theme music plays.

Credits.


	3. Eviction Night!

**Note: Yes it has been a while, but recently a good matey of mine read it and began yelling saying he wanted to know what happened next...**

**So I figured I may as well pick off where I left it.**

**I love it soooooo much! So here I go!**

**This is for you Dobby! **

**Eviction Night!**

**Studio**

"Here we are people! The first eviction night!" Davina screamed at a mental crowd that seemed to be pulsating and banging against the barriers. "Well they're excited arent they!" Davina grinned at the camera.  
"Lets see who you-" she pointed at the camera gleefully "voted out. Quina, the mad food consuming machine or Selphie the Suicidal Sugar Fiend."

Theme Tune plays

"So here we are. Now I know everyone is excited and definitely wants to yell like at the person coming out of the house." More screams of joy from the crowd. "But! We're gonna have to see what they've been up to. Yesterday!"

_Day 6_

**4am**

**Diary Room**

_Narrator: Most of the housemates are in bed. Red XIII is still on the roof snoozing. He has ate a couple of seagulls. Big Brother demands he cleans up the mess but Red seems to have gone temporarily deaf. Eiko, Selphie and Cid have been plotting escaping in the garden. They have now entered the diary room to complain about the terrible treatment they have been made to suffer. _

"I mean it's terrible!" Eiko squealed. "We've got very bad tummies! And you wont even do anything about it!"  
"And I need sugar!" Selphie squeaked.  
"And I need to kill Quina." Cid growled.

"Big Brother is not responsible for any of these things."  
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK AFTER US THOUGH!" Eiko screeched.  
"Big Brother would prefer it if you didnt yell Eiko."  
"I'M CALLING SOCIAL SERVICES! THIS IS OUT OF ORDER!"  
"Me too!" Selphie piped up.  
"Me too!" Cid added still giving Big Brother an evil glare.  
"I'd like to see you try." Big Brother was getting slightly impatient.  
"WATCH ME!" Eiko began banging on the Diary Room door. "LEMME OUT!"

"What if I dont want to?" Big Brother sighed.  
"YOU HAVE TO! I HAVE RIGHTS!" Eiko was near hysterics.

"No you dont!"

**7am**

_Narrator: Cid and Selphie are vomiting in the toilet at the moment. But Eiko is still in the Diary Room. A little upset?_

"I BLOODY WELL DO!"

"The door is open Eiko."

"I DONT CARE! SAY I HAVE RIGHTS!" Eiko was right in front of the camera, her cheeks really red.

"Never."  
"AHHHHHH!"

**9.42am**

**Bathroom**

Tifa and Yuna have gotten up to have a shower.

"Cid? What are you doing?" Tifa covered her nose.  
"I'm puking. Cos of you!" Cid growled. His face a picture of concentration. "I need to be unconscious." Cid wandered out to collapse on the garden.

"And Selphie?" Tifa looked pointedly at Selphie was dunking her head under a running shower.  
"Getting rid of a headache."Selphie spluttered.

"Why dont you collapse on the lawn too?"  
"ok..." Selphie crawled onto the garden.

**10.04am**

**Living Room**

"Can you hear something?" Yuna asked a little freaked out.  
"Sounds like screaming." Tifa strained her ears.  
"I DONT CARE IF I SIGNED MY LIFE AWAY I DEMAND RESPECT!" Eiko slammed the Diary Room door shut.  
"Hey... are you guys drunk?" Tifa asked

"Whatchoo say?" Eiko glared at Tifa.

"Are you drunk?" Tifa asked louder.  
"You wanna take this outside?"  
"Oh she's definitely something." Yuna nodded.  
"&& would be the best way to describe it!" Eiko screeched. "I'M GONNA GO! And... be sick..."

**4pm**

**Diary Room**

"Big Brother!"  
"Yes Rikku?"  
"We want you to give the guys their indigestion tablets!"  
"I want never gets."

"Dont play smart with me mister! We are getting sick of the smell in that bathroom." She pointed to the direction of the Diary Room door. "We tried getting rid of it but it just made it worse!"  
"How did you try to get rid of the smell RIkku?"  
"We open a few doors?"  
"The diary room door is open..."  
"This aint over!" Rikku growled.

**4.07pm**

**Diary Room**

"Whadaya mean you wont give them the tablets?"  
"Because, I said no." Big Brother sighed.

"But that's not fair!"  
"Zell, whats more fair? A nasty smell or me having to suffer Eiko's constant yelling for 3 hours?"  
"THE SMELL! It's still there!"

"Well my ears are still ringing."

**4.12pm  
Diary Room**

"They just wont stop crying. Pleeeeeease Big Brother show some mercy!"  
"You know thats just not me Vivi."

"I know..." Vivi sighed and walked out.

**4.23pm**

**Diary Room (again)**

"Big Brother we just wanted to point out that there are white feathers flying around in the garden."  
"I know Tidus."  
"And theres also three very dead looking people there too."  
"I'm not blind."  
"So... are you gonna do anything about it?" Tidus asked hopefully.  
"Nope."  
"Why?"  
"Because it's your own mess."

"I never knew we even had feathers!"

"Ask Red."

**4.32pm**

**Garden**

_Narrator: Tidus took Zell and Vivi to console Red to come down from the Roof. Or at least to stop killing seagulls._

"But they're so yummy. Better than Tifa's cooking." Red yawned.  
"I heard that you hybrid!" Tifa screeched.  
Red yawned loudly.

"But we're already having problems with those three vomiting in the bathroom." Tidus frowned.  
"Big Brother's right though. That is your fault. Or at least Tifas."  
"Quit it about my cooking!" Tifa's voice came from the kitchen.  
"Dont tell me she's cooking again!" Red said in a confused voice.

"No... just cleaning some dishes." Vivi nodded.

"Cant you just come down for a minute?" Zell coaxed.

"Nah."   
"Pleeeeeease?" Vivi said.

"Noo!" Red growled.  
"Well we tried." Vivi sighed.  
"We're not giving up!" Tidus rallied.

"The midget's right!" Zell agreed, Vivi began jumping up and down.  
"I'm taller than you think!" He squeaked.

"But Red doesnt want to come down. Besides I could use some of those feathers. We need to restuff the pillows!" Zell grinned and began picking up feathers.

"You're insane." Tidus groaned and walked back into the house.

"Success!" Red grinned and wandered back over to his seagull dinner.

**6.27pm**

**Garden**

_Narrator: Big Brother has agreed that if the housemates get Red off the roof they can have their tablets. Rinoa, Quina and Tidus are throwing rocks at the roof. Red isnt very happy and is beginning to retaliate. In the mean time we have Tifa, Yuna and Rikku in the Living Room contemplating the eviction. Eiko, Cid and Selphie have been locked in the bathroom. No one else can stand the smell. But it seems to be making them more ill._

"Come on Red!" Rinoa yelled.

"We'll stop throwing stuff when you come down!" Tidus added.  
"ROOOOOOCKS!" Quina squealed.

"Yeah thats right Quina." Rinoa smiled.  
"STOP THROWING THINGS!" Red roared.  
Rinoa and Tidus paused. Quina threw a glass.  
"OW! GEEZ!" Red started howling like a loon.

"Quina that was very bad!" Rinoa chided Quina.  
"OH THERES GLASS EVERYWHERE!" Red screamed.  
"Very good Quina!" Tidus patted Quina on the head.

"Take this!" Red threw the dead featherless seagull at them.  
Rinoa screamed like a banshee and ran into the Living Room. Tidus got a bullseye on the head. Quina stood still.  
"HA! TAKE THAT TIDUS!" Red grinned.  
"Ooooh... Yummy yummy." Quina walked over to the birdie corpse

Black screen

_You see water lilies quietly passing over a small pond a few goldfish spiralling around._

returns to normal viewing

"MY EYES!" Red screamed. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Quina..." Tidus whined.

"Tastes bad..." Quina walked off.

Tidus stood up massaging his forehead.  
"Ok... will you come down or not?" Tidus asked in a final tone.  
"I'll make a proposition." Red growled. "If Quina is evicted tommorow I'll come down. But if he does that... I'm staying where I bloody well am."  
"That's all I ask." Tidus grinned.  
"Now get out of the way. I'm gonna get rid of some glass. I wouldnt come into the garden with bare feet after this."  
"I'll tell Yuna... And maybe Rinoa."

**8.08pm**

**Bathroom**

"You guys." Selphie croaked.  
"What is it?" Eiko snarled.

"If I get evicted tomorrow... I promise to kill Davina!"  
"That is the nicest thing anyone in this house has ever said." Cid sighed. "Excuse me a moment." He began throwing up in the toilet again.

_Studio_

"Well wasnt that an eventful day!" Davina smiled her pearly white reflecting the lights. "Now we get to find out who will be evicted tonight!" She pointed to a large screen. "Will it be! Quina! or... Selphie!" Their pictures appearing on the screens. "Right we're just gonna have a quick commercial break." Boos erupted from the crowd. "I know I know... But I swear in 4 minutes our first house mate will be evicted!"

_Commercial Break_

"To all the moogles of the world!  
"Is your pompom looking dull?  
"Does it no longer have that bouncy feeling everyone loves so much?"

"Ku-poppopo!"  
"Exactly Mog!" Morrison appears.  
"Then use Moogle PomPom Restore!"

"Kupo!"

"Good one Mog!"  
Our slogan is:  
_"oooh that is one pretty pompom thingy... I want to touch it... Hey get back here... snore Dont ignore me you little red thing... sniff" **Baku Sleep talking**_

_End of Commercial Break_

_Studio_

"We're back!" Davina grinned happily and the crowd is near hysterics. "I must now tell you that the phone lines are now CLOSED!" There was a loud buzzer. "Now you can ring all you want but you aint gonna make a difference anymore. Just add money to our pockets." Another innocent smile. "Let's go live to the Big Brother house."

The screen shows the housemates all sitting in the Living Room.  
"Oooh there they all are, arent they being civil!" Davina seemed to have a tinge of disappointment in her voice at that point. "Whatever let's get this show on the road!" She turned to the screen. The crowd was still going mad. "SHUT UP!" The crowd died down. "Good, now lets go. Big Brother House this is Davina."

"Oh bugger." Zell growled.  
"I heard that Zell!" Davina said dangerously.  
Zell grabbed a cushion. "You cant hurt me in here!" He cried.  
"I'm not after you! I am here to declare who will be leaving the Big Brother house in exactly 3 minutes." Davina said quite civilly.

"YAAAAAAY!" Quina grinned.  
"Quina, Selphie you have been getting voted for by the public for the last few days. Tonight one of you will leave."  
"Enough with the drama." Tifa sighed.  
Davina chose to ignore this comment. "The person leaving the Big Brother House will be..."

Quina stood up. "Sit down Quina!" Tidus snapped he still had a shiner on his forehead.

"SELPHIE!" Davina cried.

"NO!" Red howled from outside. "I SEE YOU DAVINA I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU!" Red cried in anguish.  
"You stay where you are Red! Selphie. You have a minute to say your goodbyes I'm coming to get you!" Davina said happily.

"I'll miss you all!" Selphie hiccuped while standing up unsteadily.

Yuna helped her to the door.

Eiko hugged Selphie goodbye. "Give her one for me!" Eiko said venomously. Selphie nodded.

The door opened and Selphie walked out of the Big Brother house unsteadily.

"Here she comes!" Davina smiled. Selphie appeared at the door. As she came out she tripped over her feet. "DAMNIT! Security get her over here!" Davina growled rather impatiently. "Put her there." Davina instructed. Selphie was sat in a orange chair.

"Hi Selphie!" Davina smiled like she was talking to a toddler.

"Davina..." Selphie growled.  
"Now before you even start to try and kill me I would like to present you with something." Davina smiled and handed Selphie a bag of sugar.

Selphie looked like she was near tears. "I always loved you Davina!" She whimpered.

"I know. Now then let's see!" Davina plucked out some cards. "How was your time in the house?"  
"Hell."  
"Must've been a least a little fun." Davina said encouragingly.  
"I was hungry! And Big Brother wouldn't give me anything!" Selphie groaned.  
"Aww... Everyone say "aww"!" Davina turned to the crowd, there was a tremendous "Aw"  
"Dont patronise meeeee." Selphie whimpered.

"Ok so what did you think of your housemates?"  
"Hated them..."  
"Wow you were really depressed werent you!" Davina joked.

"Yeah!" Selphie whined.

"Awww... Well what about Eiko?"  
"I liked Eiko, we were sick buddies!" Selphie's face suddenly developed a huge grin. "We shared a toilet!"  
"Ok... Hey who do you think will be out next week?"  
"Tifa."  
"Why?  
"Because she poisoned me! And she's got a terrible dress sense."  
"Some men would beg to differ." Davina grinned as there were many boos from the crowd. "Anyways, that's it! Hope you enjoyed Big Brother tonight and I hope you will join us the same time next week. Be there or be square!" Davina smiled.

theme tune  
ending credits


	4. Week 2 part 1

**It's been a while I started this in BB5 and now it's 7! Sheesh, so here's another week in the house!**

**I've split this one into halves cos it's quite big and I've been wanting to do this for a while so you know!**

**Disclaimer: Although I wish I did, I own nothing, none of the characters in this story belongs to me, nor does the lovely Davina Mc Call or Big Brother. All opinions made by Big Brother do not relate to my own I just want him to be mean.**

**P.S Drink kupo milk it's delicious!**

**P.P.S We do switch between past and present tenses sometimes so if it annoys you sorry!**

**Week 2**

**Studio**

"I knew you'd come back!" Davina trilled, "Ok we've got another week of delectable moments in the FF BB house, and Big Brother is getting more and more sick of the house mates, who'd have thunk it?"

**Day 8**

**Diary Room**

**11.00am **

_Narrator: Tidus is in the Diary Room_

"Big Brother… Ok Red said he would come down, IF Quina was evicted… So could you know… give it a hand?" Tidus grinned.

"No."

"Why?"  
"Because it's cheating."

"It's not cheating it's asking for a favour! And you owe me!" Tidus growled.  
"I owe you nothing."  
"Oh yeah! What about the pain and emotional torment I've been forced to suffer for the last 7 days?"  
"What about Eiko coming in here every 10 seconds to yell about her hair not looking purple enough for the cameras?"

"You have a point…" Tidus sighed…

**11.06am**

"Are you sure it looks ok?" Eiko asked stroking her hair delicately.  
"Yes Eiko."  
"And you can see the horn and everything?"  
"Yes Eiko."

"Oh good, was a bit worried there, you know you're a nice guy, I'll ignore Rikku for a while she's blonde…"  
"Eiko…"

"Yes Big Brother… ooh that sounds so cool doesn't it."  
"Yeah… get out."

**11.11am**

"Why'd you hurt her feelings she likes you, you know!" Tifa pouted her perfectly formed features.

"Oh no…"

"Come on try to show compassion." Tifa sighed.

"Show what now?"

**11.17am**

"Tifa and Eiko are crying you know."  
"I know Rikku."  
"It's your fault you know."

"I know Rikku."  
"You know I knew you were horrible and mean but this is just downright… meeeeeean! You know."

"I know Rikku."

**11.28am**

"God damn women!" Cid growled "Why they gotta cry every 5 minutes?"  
"Hormones?"

"That's just an excuse, they just want sympathy… God damn women."

"Yeah…"

"Yeah… well you've got the woman voice on today haven't you…"

"Yes Cid."

"Oh… so you know what I'm saying."

"No…"

**Garden**

**1.23pm**

_Narrator: Tifa, Rinoa and Yuna have been sunbathing for 2 hours in the garden. Red is watching._

"This is the life…" Red hummed, "half naked humanoids thinking that they're gonna look hotter when they're gonna burn but yet they still wear barely anything… yeah this is the life… Oooh dead seagull.."

_Narrator: Tidus, Zell and Cid are sitting in the kitchen watching the girls._

"Man I wish I could just… hrmm…" Zell groaned.

"Wish you could what?" Tidus asked.

"Hrmm…" Zell shuddered again.

"Hey back off, we all know Rinoa has the hots for me." Cid grinned tapping his chest.

"Back off?" Zell growled. "I saved the world with her!"  
"So, I did the same with Tifa what's your point?" Cid grinned.

"I made out with Yuna in a pond…" Tidus sighed nostalgically.

"Oh man! What was it like do tell!" Zell said happily edging closer.

* * *

"He was sweet," Yuna grinned childishly. 

"Didn't cop a feel did he?" Tifa asked warningly.

"No!" Yuna cried incredulously. "… At least I hope not…"  
"Don't worry sweetie you would know if he did…" Rinoa said sympathetically.

* * *

"Was she good?" Zell asked again.  
"Go away…" Tidus snapped, "It's my privacy here…"

* * *

"And he had this adorable smile!" Yuna sighed.  
"Oh maybe he did…" Tifa wondered. 

"Shut up!" Yuna retorted.

"Was it a gorky sorta smile."

"No… happy."

"He did." Rinoa laughed.

**Diary Room**

**2.10pm**

_Narrator: Yuna is in the Diary Room learning about the birds and the bees._

"So he didn't…"  
"No Yuna you're not pregnant." Big Brother assured her.

"Positive?" Yuna asked warningly.

"… Almost yes."

"But he…"

**Bedroom**

_Narrator: Vivi is also learning about the birds and the bees. By Eiko! Quina is also in awe._

"So you have to kiss." Vivi asked looking more confused than normal.

"Yes! By jove I think he's got it!" Eiko squealed happily.

"What else?" Vivi asked carefully.

"Umm… that's it…" Eiko pondered for a moment. "Then you get pregnant!"

"I pregnant to toilet…?" Quina asked worriedly.

"You kissed the toilet?"

**Kitchen**

"Well, us males… cooking…" Cid smiles nervously.

"Why can't they help?" Tidus pondered.

"Because they are too busy baking themselves you idiot!" Rikku snapped.

"Why are you here?" Zell asked.

"Because, I don't fancy skin cancer, and I have a perfect tan anyway. Oh and besides if I weren't here then we'd be eating hot dogs." Zell twitches, "You need… a woman's touch." She grinned.

"What are you 9?" Cid snaps.

"17..." Rikku replies hotly.

"Those boobs and that outfit tell me differently. Grow up on a farm did we?" Cid continues.

"THAT'S IT." Rikku throws her spoon on the floor. "OUT! OUT OF MY KITCHEN!" She cries.

All the men run out of the area.

"That was easy." Cid shrugged settling on the sofa making himself comfortable.

"How do you do it?" Zell agrees.

"We should help her…" Tidus mused, a cushion is thrown at his head.

**Dining Area **

**10.30pm**

_Rikku has finished the housemate's meal._

"You like it?" She asks hopefully.

"It's lovely!" Rinoa smiles.

"Delicious!" Yuna chimes in.  
"Couldn't have done it better myself!" Tifa beams.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Cid snaps.

**Diary Room**

"Big Brother, what's the big idea?" Eiko asks angrily. "A house FULL of people and not ONE of us can cook!"

"Quina can. He's a gourmand."  
"But he EATS it before anyone else does."

"Uh…"

"Actually that's a good idea Big Bro… I could kiss you!"  
"Please don't"  
"I knew you loved me!" She runs out of diary room.  
"What did I do?" Big Brother asks.

**Living Area**

**11.02pm**

_Narrator: Eiko is announcing to the housemates her revolutionary idea._

"I say we let Quina cook!"

"No!" Several voices replied.

"Yes!" Eiko retorted.

"NO!" This time louder.

"Oh come on why not?" Eiko sighed.

"Eiko," Rinoa patted her on the horn "Quina doesn't cook honey, he eats."

"But he made me rock fisted potato stew once!" Eiko snapped.

"It was nice…" Vivi chimed in agreement.

"Yeah right!" Cid laughed hysterically "Did it have frogs legs in there?"

"No!" Eiko growled, "It had ogolop in there."

"What's ogolop?" Tidus whispered to Yuna. Whilst Yuna shrugged Quina waddled to the kitchen area.

"It was good! And he didn't eat all of it, why won't you believe me?" Eiko squealed tears brimming in her eyes.

"Because you're 6!" Zell said rather hotly. "And 6 year olds lie!"  
"So do not! Lying is for cowards! You're a coward!" Eiko squealed. "You're a wuss!"

"I… I am not!" Zell's face went a shade of red.

"WUSS!" Eiko shrieked a octave below not being able to hear.

**Diary Room**

**11.33pm**

_Narrator: Eiko has been crying for the past 23 minutes_

"He just said the most horrible things…" Eiko sobbed. "They're just not true!" She squealed and fell backwards onto the chair.

"What were these things he said?"  
"He called me a brat! A brat! How rich coming from him! Mr Hotdog freak…" She said scornfully.

"Of course."

**Garden**

**11.45pm**

"There there, I'm sure he didn't mean it." Vivi pats Eiko on the head.

"He did. He's a selfish horrible horrible person!" Eiko wails.

"Well then why don't you do something… say something."

"I don't KNOOOOOOOOOW." Shrieks Eiko.

"Oh come on Eiko don't let him upset you."

"You're so sweet." Eiko sniffs.

"I am?"

"Yeah lovely and sweet and lovely." She kisses him on the cheek and goes to bed.

Vivi sits very still.

**2.30am**

_Vivi has been sitting in the garden silently for the past two hours and three quarters. _

**Diary Room**

**3.04am**

_Vivi has come to the Diary room._

"Big Brother… I think I'm pregnant!"

"You're not."  
"I am."  
"You're not."  
"But.. Eiko kissed me."

"That doesn't make you pregnant."

"Eiko says it does."  
"Well Eiko can kiss my… you're not pregnant."

"What if I have to give birth in the Big Brother house."  
"Vivi…"  
"I'd go into labour on live television."  
"Vivi…!"

"I'd be creating life."  
"YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT."

"Yes I am. Eiko kissed me."  
"That's not how you get pregnant."  
"How do you get pregnant then?"

"You really want to know?"

**3.05am**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**3.09am**

_Rinoa is in the Diary Room after attempting to comfort a hysterical Vivi._

"You told him what?"

"You heard me."  
"WHY?"

"He wanted to know."  
"I don't think so…"  
"He did."  
"WHY?"

"He thought he was pregnant."  
"Come again?"  
"He thought Eiko had impregnated him."

"You're kidding right…"

"Nope."

**3.11am**

"I have to hand it you. You taught the idiot where babies come from. Fantastic. Nicely done. I applaud you."  
"Thank you Cid."  
"One problem."  
"Yes?"  
"Why did you do it in the middle of the night! FOR CHRISSAKE MAN SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"

"Clearly."

"Can't you give us something to knock him out for a while. Just while we sleep."  
"Nope."  
"You &&"

"Language Cid."  
"Bite me."

**Living Area**

**3.30am**

"What the HELL did you do that for?" Tifa screamed.

"He was annoying." Quina said deadpan.

"He was terrified too!" Tifa adds.

"Still annoying." Quina said clearly not bothered.

Cid races in, Eiko follows.

"What's going on?" Eiko cried.

"Well for starters Vivi thought he was pregnant!" Rinoa snapped.

"Really?" Eiko asked confused.

"Yeah then Big Bro told him about the real birds and the bees if you know what I mean." Cid grinned.

"Ooooh… but… why is he unconscious on the floor?" Eiko asked bewildered.  
"He wouldn't shut up." Quina stated holding frying pan up.

"Fair enough." Eiko stalks off leaving Tifa and Rinoa standing over Vivi with an annoyed Quina.

"Let's go to bed." Rinoa suggested.

"And leave him here?" Tifa asked.

"Yeah." Rinoa shrugged, "I don't want him waking up and screaming in the bedroom that's for sure."  
"OK." Tifa sighs and follows Cid and Rinoa to bedroom.

**Studio**

_Camera pans over a delighted Davina._

"Amazing isn't it folks. Simply fantastic. Little Vivi now knows the miracle of life."

She grins uncontrollably and begins to cackle.

"Just wait until what happens the next day! We'll see you in four after this commercial break."

_Commercial Break_

"_Do you want to look truly menacing?" A voice asks._

"_Boy I sure do!" A young boy replies with blonde flaxen hair gelled to his head stiffly._

"_Well then Timmy look no further than this."  
"WOW GEE WHIZ!" The boy cries. "Golly sir, what is it?"  
"The only way to become a true super villain is to make yourself look downright gorgeous."  
"Well…"_

"_Don some makeup, grow your hair extra long, sound like you have the voice of a choir boy and not forgetting stylish womanly robes."_

"_WOW!"  
"Check out these well known villains."  
Kefka flashes on screen._

"_See our make up set made him truly menacing._

_Sephiroth flashes on screen._

"_Our extensions made his mane truly mean."_

_Kuja flashes on screen._

"_Our sex change operation made this villain look truly evil."_

_Seymour flashes on screen._

"_With our medication you will have the most truly menacing voice above all others!"_

"_Wow sir now I know how to be the perfect baddie!"  
"Of course you do Timmy. Of course you do."_

_End of Commercial_

**Studio**

_Camera focuses on a grinning Davina_

"So here's the next day of an amazingly eventful week, trust me you're gonna love it!" Davina makes an inquisitive glance

**Day 9**

**Diary Room**

**10.04am**

"He won't stop crying!" Tidus whined.

"Why not Tidus?"  
"Because you told him where babies come from!" Tidus pointed an accusing finger at the camera.

"Moi?"  
"What does that mean…?"

**10.09am**

"He's going mental! He doesn't get it! What's not to get? Man whammy go in woman… thingy… And there we go!" Rikku smacked her hands together dramatically.

"It really is that simple."

"It is… why'd you have to tell him! He doesn't even know what a whammy does!"

"He asked."

"But I ask if I can have bread and you don't answer me!"

"…"

"SEE!"

**10.13am**

"I think we've all learnt something these past two days…" Yuna sighed. "But I think I took it better…"

"You would."  
"What's that supposed to mean?"

**10.24am**

"Big Brother what's a whammy?" Rikku asked.

"I dunno, you tell me."  
"I forgot…"

**Garden**

**11.07am**

_Narrator: Quina has made breakfast._

"We have finally found a use for Quina, he cooks!" Zell squealed happily. "Mm bacon…"

"See, I told you! I don't lie!" Eiko smiled happily.

"Yeah this is really good." Rikku munched in agreement

"Half of what we would've had…" Tifa groaned.

"But it's edible!" Cid retorted, "Unlike that burnt stuff you somehow cock up."

"Gee thanks… Least I know how to get you drunk quickly." she sighed and ate some more scrambled egg.

"How'sat sweetheart?"

"Two shots of vodka, 3 shots of whiskey, one shot of cranberry juice. You know for flavour…" Tifa smiled.

"Oh yeah… yum…"

"Wouldn't that get anyone immediately drunk?" Tidus asked to no one particular.

"Yeah, along with 5 shots of horse tranquillisers…" Tifa added under her breath.

**Living Area**

**1.13pm**

_The housemates have been enjoying some cream cakes provided by Big Brother, a lure for Red who is still on the roof. Cream cakes happen to be his favourite food. Vivi is rocking in a corner crying. _

"Mmmmmm! Wow these are amazing!" Eiko squealed happily.

"So creeeeeeeeamy…" Rinoa giggled.

"Vivi you want some?" Tidus wandered over offering his own cream cake.  
With a sharp squeal Vivi ran to the bedroom. "Take that as a no…"

"You can't lure me down!" Red called from the roof. "I am happy here, I don't need you!"

"You sure, they're soooo creamy!" Tifa called in the most alluring manner she could manage.

"Shut up…" Red screeched.

"He's definitely cracking." Zell nodded.

"Duh." Rikku nodded.

"Oooh they even have the cherry on top!" Yuna giggled as she passed one to Tidus.

"Oh yeah!" Tidus also let out a small laugh.

"Ew…" Rinoa squeaked.

**Garden**

**1.27pm**

_Narrator: Quina is trying to coax Red down._

"Go away Quina."

"Come down, cream cakes yum!"

"I said go away!" Red roared.

"But cream cake!" Quina insisted.

"I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN CREAM CAKE! OW! QUINA!"

"What?" Quina squeaked against Red's howling.

"Wait… ow… ow … ow…." Red started hobbling around his prowling area. "My skin… is burning…"

"Sweetie you have sunburn." Tifa walked out. "Yuna's getting it too, it's a pain isn't it."

"Ow… make it stop!" Red howled again.

"I would… but you're up there." Tifa smiled evilly.

"I won't come down." Red sneered.

"Ok then. Come on Quina let's leave the burnt hybrid up there."  
"Mmmm burnt hybrid…" Quina muttered as walking away with Tifa…

"If he eats me…" Red growled "I will rip my way through his stomach… So help me god…"

**Living Room**

**9.48pm**

_The Housemates have received a mountain of cream cakes in an attempt to get Red down._

"Too many cream cakes…" Rikku sighed.

"But they're edible!" Zell sighed.

"And highly addictive." Yuna smiled handing her cherry to Tidus.  
"Will you two stop being so couple-y?" Rinoa seethed.

"Yeah it is annoying." Tifa added.

"What are you talking about you don't have a boyfriend." Cid retorted at Tifa's comment.

"N-no… But… you know… Cloud?"  
"Nah, never." Cid grinned.

"Yeah you're right." Tifa sighed and sunk into her chair.

"But what about me! What about my feelings?" Rinoa piped up.

"No one cares," Rikku sighed wiping cream off her fingers.

"Shut up!" Rinoa shouted.

**Diary Room**

**11.04pm**

"I mean I hope Cloud does feel that way about me… but he's still all depressed over Aeris… She's dead I'm alive with… long hair and a willing soul… oh why won't he just ask me out!" Tifa groaned.

"Because he's smart?"  
"&"(£ OFF!"

"Sorry…"  
From outside Rinoa's voice rang "Tifa hurry up there's other people who have couple issues."

"Shut it!" Tifa put a lot of effort in to her t's.

**11.15pm**

"Finally she's out." Rinoa plonked herself into the diary room chair. "We need too talk!"  
"We do?"

"Yes, about Tidus and Yuna…" She growled her simple face contorted with anger.

"Ooh do tell."

"They're just so damn annoying! So couple-y… and… and! I want Squall back, can't you just send him in here for a half an hour, it's all I'd need!" Rinoa asked pleadingly.

"Let's think…"

Rinoa made her pleading face closer to the camera.

"No," Big Brother smiled.

"You are the meanest person I've ever known!" Rinoa shrieked. "I just wanna see Squall, why won't you let me?"  
"Because it's against the rules."  
"Screw the rules I have needs!"  
"I have a hole punch and the door locks to the house, and your existence in here under my little finger, so what's your point?"  
Rinoa's black eyes seemed to go darker. "You're mean you know that!"  
"I believe Rikku and Eiko have already informed me."

Rinoa gave a frustrated scream and leaves the Diary Room

_Somewhere far far away…_

_Squall is sitting at his television set…_

"_I knew she wanted me…"_

**Bedroom**

**11.17pm**

_Yuna and Tidus have been eating cream cakes on Rinoa's double bed for the past 13 minutes._

"What are you doing on my bed?" Rinoa stormed in.

"Eating cream cakes, want some?" Tidus asked in a very soft demure.

"No! Get off my bed!" Rinoa shrieked.  
"Ok," Tidus gets up.

"Yuna you gonna be getting off my bed any time soon? Or are you deaf?"  
"I'm… going…" Yuna sighed. "Ow ow ow…"

"What's the matter with you?" Rinoa asked testily.

"Sun burn…" Yuna sighed. "I need a shower…" She added looking at Tidus.

"Ok then." Tidus smiled and walked into the garden.

**Studio**

"AH!" Davina giggled "We have jealousy in the house, poor little Rinoa wants her Squall, awww…" She wiped her a tear from her eye. "Ah well, we'll see what happens the next day, in four!"

_Commercial Break_

"_Did you see Tifa just now?" Barrett walks on screen, "She's on Big Brother but her bar is still open!"_

_Pan out to Seventh Heaven_

"_We're back and better than ever, come every night to watch the lovely Tifa herself on our PLASMA WIDE SCREEN TELEVISION!" Barrett grinned nearly salivating as he stroked the enormous television_

"_Yeah… just come ok…" Cloud looked indifferent about his comment._

"_Free sweeties for kids under 8!" Marlene chimed in._

"_Free beer for Tifa look a likes!" Yuffie appeared._

"_And free good times for all!" Barrett winked._

_End of Commercial Break_

**Studio**

"Alright it's day 10 in the big brother house filled with Final Fantasy characters, now we're in the 2 digits it's gonna get interesting don't you think?" Davina looked at the camera with an imposing grin flashing perfect white teeth. "And today… is nominations and the first alarm!"

_**Day 10**_

**Bedroom**

**9.00am**

_Big Brother has been ringing an alarm through the house for 45 seconds. No one has woken up yet. The song is the victory fanfare from Final Fantasy IX!_

"WOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Eiko squealed happily, "I won, I won!"

"What did you win?" Quina runs in.  
"I won, I won!" Eiko jumps around miming playing her flute.

"I won too?" Quina asked.  
"YES!"  
"YAY!" Quina does happy dance.

Vivi wakes up. "What did we win?"

"I dunno, do the celebration dance you dumbo!" Eiko laughed.

"Oh, yeah…" Vivi grabbed Tifa's brush and twiddled it between his fingers.

_The music then changed to the Final Fantasy 8 victory fanfare._

"GO AWAY!" Zell howled.

"Yeah I'm not in the mood to celebrate right now!" Rinoa yelled in agreement.

"But you won!" Eiko retorted.

"I DIDN'T WIN NOTHING!" Rinoa screeched. "I WANT SLEEP!" She added throwing her pillow over her head.

"Wait what did we win?" Zell asks.

"Sumthin…" Eiko giggled.

"Oh yeah!" Zell does his victory dance. Quina tries to copy. "Hey it's mine do your own!" Zell chides.

"Fine, you want me to jump up and down fine but I'll kill you Big Brother if I ever meet you." Rinoa groans and jumps up and down flicking her hair. "You happy?"

_The Final Fantasy X fanfare music rings through._

"Oh yeah!" Tidus immediately grins and throws his hair dryer up into the hair like his sword.

"YAY! We won!" Rikku grins.  
"We did?" Yuna gets up and bows.

_Final Fantasy VII music finally rings through the house._

_Red is already howling in the garden but Big Brother suspects it's not because he's happy._

"Alright if it'll make the alarm stop." Tifa sighed and does her pose

Cid starts swearing like a fish wife. "I WON'T DO IT! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

_Big Brother decides he won't answer Cid and joins all the fan fare music together to make… a headache._

**Diary Room**

**9.47am**

"Make it stop!" Quina groans.

"No."  
"Why not?" Quina asks in a pleading voice.  
"Because Cid won't dance… Big Brother wants everyone to dance."

**10.02am**

"He won't do it!" Tifa screams.  
"Why not Tifa?"  
"Because he's a selfish pig who… who can't be bothered to be happy…. I may kill him!"  
"You do that."

**10.07am**

"Hello Vivi."

"Hello Big Brother…"  
"How are you feeling?"  
"I have a headache…"  
"Ok Vivi."

**10.11am**

"You told Vivi you would stop the alarm!" Tidus growls.

"I said "ok vivi"". Big Brother replies.

"Ohhhh… makes sense. Hey Big Bro can you… you know turn it down a few decibels?"

**10.17am**

"WHY'D YOU TURN IT UP?" Rinoa shrieked.

"Because Tidus asked me to."  
"He did! That lying bum hole!"

**10.23am**

"Make it stop!" Cid howled.

"No…"  
"Why not?"  
"Because you won't dance… Big Brother wants to see you dance."  
"No! Never again!" Cid growled.

"Ok then."

The fan fare music boomed into the Diary Room.

"I WON'T DO IT!" Cid shouted as loud as he could. "I SAID I WON'T!" Big Brother turned off the microphone. Cid's mouth was mouthing but no sound was coming out, his face was growing more and more red.

He fell off the chair.

"Fine…" He whimpered. He stood up and mimed putting his spear on his shoulder.

"Thank you Cid."

The fanfare stopped.

**Living Room**

**1.03pm**

_It's nominations today and Big Brother has put all the housemates in the living room. First up was Tifa_

**Diary Room**

"Ok first person I'm going to nominate is… Cid, because he wouldn't do that bloody dance and he blames Eiko. Now I'm not one for blaming kids, trust me I have to look after three, yes that includes you Barrett." Tifa sighed. "But, yeah I know we saved the world together but… he's just so annoying…"

"Who is your next nomination Tifa?"

"My next nomination will beee… Rinoa. She's always moaning about something, it's kinda annoying. I mean don't get me wrong she's great to talk to but… She's just… soo needy, she needs a lot of attention and not only that but she went all loopy about Tidus and Yuna and she also kicked me out the diary room last night."

"Thank you Tifa."

* * *

_Next would be Red but he's still on the roof; so Cid is now nominating_

"Right first Zell because he's a dumbass and only eats hotdogs, second Tidus because he's also a dumbass and is too nice."

"Thank you Cid."

* * *

"I am voting for Yuna and Tidus!" Rinoa sighed.

"No suprises there, but why Rinoa?"

"Because, they're too couple-y and it's making me depressed."  
"Thank you Rinoa."

"No problemo!"

* * *

"Probably Cid."  
"But why Zell?"  
"Because I know he hates me… and he scares me too, god him and that potty mouth it's embarrassing you know."  
"Next nomination?"  
"Rinoa."  
"Why?"  
"I never saw this side of her when we beat Ultimecia but she's a loon! Complete and utter loon! She's all fawny over Squall it's scary… So yeah I think she'd be happier back with Squall."

* * *

"I am voting for Red, because he won't come down from the roof and it's getting old. Like real old."  
"Yeah it is. Who else are you nominating Eiko?"

"Ummm Zell, because he called me a brat so I hate him."

"Ok Eiko."

* * *

"I'm gonna vote for Cid because he scares me…"  
"Ok Vivi, who else."

"Um… Rinoa… because she scares me."

"Good Vivi, you may now leave the diary room."

"Ok…"

* * *

"I vote for Rikku!"  
"I know Quina but why?"  
"I vote for Rikku!"

"Why?"  
"I vote for Rikku!"  
"DAMNIT WHY?"

"I also vote for Eiko."  
"Why?"

"Because."  
"Ok Quina just leave me alone."  
"Ok."

* * *

"I'm gonna vote for Red because this obsession with cream cakes… and seagulls… dead seagulls… EW!."  
"Ok Rikku and who else do you want to nominate."  
"Um… Probably Cid because he insulted me when I was trying to help him cook and it took me ages because I had no one to help me."  
"Ok you may now leave the diary room Rikku."  
"Thanks Big Bro!"  
"Why do people call me that…?"

* * *

"I'm gonna vote for Rinoa because she is I-N-S-A-N-E! She told me to get of HER bed, I mean she gets a double bed to herself! What the heck is that about?"

"I have no idea Yuna, who else?"

"Red, get him off the roof for chrissake!"

* * *

"I nominate Red because… well come on… why is he still on the roof… He should just go home and sleep on someone else's roof."  
"And the next one Tidus?"  
"Eiko! She told Vivi that people get pregnant from kissing, so whenever I kiss Yuna now he goes all gaspy and gets all strange as if I just made her pregnant! She shouldn't go around lying like that, it's just not right."

_Nominations have finished._

_Cid. Red and Rinoa will face the public vote, all receiving four votes each, Eiko Tidus and Zell received two nomination, Yuna and Rikku received one each. Quina, Vivi, and Tifa did not receive any nominations._

**Garden**

**4.00pm**

_Eiko and Vivi have been sitting in the garden for 12 minutes, both have been silent for this time._

"Do you miss Selphie?" Vivi asked Eiko.

"Who?"

**Bedroom**

**5.12pm**

_Quina has been writhing on the floor for 20 minutes._

"Soooooo hungry!" Quina wails.

"Shhh we all are!" Tifa snaps.

"Why did we let him cook?" Yuna sighs.

"He asked and I'm not setting the place on fire again." Tifa replies.

"Still I doubt we'll be eating any time soon." Yuna muses.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Quina howls.

**Kitchen**

**5.30pm**

_Cid has been attempting to cook for the past half hour._

"Piece of cake nothing to it!" Cid grins shaking the pan.

"You sure you know what you're doing?" Tidus asks chopping tomatoes uncertainly.

"Come off it, this is too easy, cook the onions add the tomatoes… sauce…. Pasta… finito!" Cid beams shaking the pan some more.

"Still." Tidus replies.

**5.45pm**

"It was bloody pasta! How could you set that on fire!" Rinoa yells.

"I don't know! It just spontaneously combusted for no reason whatsoever!" Cid yells.

"Sure it did." Rinoa sighs.

"You calling me a bad chef?" Cid snaps.

"Yeah actually I am!"  
"Not as bad as you girl!"  
"I had flammable substances!"

**Dining Area**

**6.24pm**

_The housemates are eating pot noodles._

"Wonderful meal Cid." Rikku smiles thrusting her arm in the air and dancing as he gives her a bowl with pot noodles in.

"Delicious!" Tifa grins.

"Yummy." Yuna smiles.

"What are you all talking about!" Quina shrieks. "Tis pot noodle!"

A pot is hurled at Quina's head.

"CID!" Rinoa screams.

**Diary Room**

**7.12pm**

"Tell Big Brother where it hurts."  
"My head." Quina whimpers.

"It was a nasty pot." Big Brother agrees.

"Nasty Cid, should have nominated him."  
"Don't talk. It'll confuse you more, and your voice is irritating."

"Nasty Cid…" Quina mumbles.

"Big Brother suggests you go to bed, you may now leave the diary room."

**Bedroom**

**8.34pm**

_Tidus, Tifa and Yuna are sitting in the bedroom talking about saving the world. Tifa is talking mostly about Cloud._

"I just really miss him…" She sighed.

"I know, I lost this guy for a couple of years!" Yuna grinned whilst giving Tidus a hug who looked rather uncomfortable.

"Years? How did you cope?"  
"Oh you know… kept myself busy." Yuna sighed.

Tidus seemed to be getting emotional.

"I tried to forget but it was hard, I still loved him." Yuna looked at Tidus nostalgically.

"Aww that is so sweet!" Tifa cooed.

"Yeah… it is…" Tidus sighed.

**Garden**

_Vivi, Rikku and Eiko are in the garden talking about how to apply fake tan correctly._

"Get the spray stuff, it works a lot better." Rikku advised Eiko.

"Really! You sure?" Eiko wondered slightly.

"Yeah, definitely, especially when you're trying to get to those hard to reach spots."  
"Like?" Eiko wove her hand.

"Oh, like your back!"  
"I'd get Vivi to do it." Eiko snapped, "Quick and easy. Cheap labour."  
"Cheap labour?" Vivi asked a bit worried.

**The Roof**

**9.46pm**

_Red is talking to Tifa. Tifa is sitting on the roof with him, don't ask how she got up there, Big Brother's not quite sure._

"So what's it like up here?" Tifa asked in a conversational way.

"Ok, quiet sometimes." Red sighed.

"Yeah looks pretty you can see the city from here."  
"Yeah and on eviction nights you can see Davina."  
"You can?" Tifa seemed to get a bit excited.

"Oh yeah, did last time."  
"Oooh… Oh hey how are your sun burns?"  
"Burning…"

**Diary Room**

"I never knew she missed me so much!" Tidus sobbed, "I didn't exist for 2 years and she waited!" He wailed.

"Aw, why are you crying Tidus?"  
"I just… just… never knew she loved me so much…"  
"Did you get busy in the afterlife?"  
"NO! How in Yevon's name do you get busy in the afterlife?"  
"Don't ask me you were dead not me."  
"I wasn't dead!"

"You were!"  
"Was not! At least I don't think I was…"  
"I think you were, and you will be if you don't leave now."

**Bathroom**

**10.25pm**

_Vivi, Quina, Rinoa and Cid are in the bathroom getting ready for bed._

"Clean clean you gotta be clean!" Rinoa sang.

"Yeah you do. What are you doing?" Cid asked in a near worried tone.

"I'm washing my under arms, they can get very smelly you know." Rinoa said in a no nonsense tone.

"They do?" Eiko asked a little worried.

"Of course!" Rinoa snapped.

"Ok then," and Eiko began scrubbing her under arms in the mirror.

Not wanting to miss out on the fun Quina joined in.

Cid just glared at them and finished brushing his teeth.

**Bedroom**

**11.48am**

_All the housemates are now in the bedroom apart from Tifa and Red, and also Eiko and Vivi claim to be moon bathing in the garden._

"Is Tifa still on the roof with Red?" Rikku asked while trying to sort out her hair before bed.

"I think so…" Rinoa replied whilst tying her hair into a bun.

"I'll go get her." Tidus sighed and wandered out of the bedroom.

**Garden**

"It's such a beautiful night isn't it." Eiko sighed.

"It really is." Tifa agreed.

"Hey Tifa you gonna be getting down any time soon?" Tidus asked.

"No, not yet, am gonna stay with Red a little longer." Tifa answered.

"How long is that?" Tidus asked.

"Til the morning?"  
"…"  
"Yeah… Still Eiko and Vivi are worried about him too." Tifa tried to make light of the situation.

"No we're not, we're moon bathing." Eiko retorted.

Tidus gave a half smile and lay down beside Vivi, "Alright I wanna moon bathe too."

"Yay! Moonbathing is fuuun!" Eiko sang.

**Garden**

**12.32am**

_Quina has also joined Red, Tifa, Tidus, Eiko and Vivi in the garden as they moon bathe. Zell, Yuna, Rinoa, Rikku and Cid are in the bedroom ignoring the moon bathers._

_Eiko has began singing._

"I know a song that can get on your nerves, get on your nerves get on your nerves, I know a song that can get on your nerves, get get get on your nerves." Eiko sang gleefully.

Eventually Vivi and Quina began to join in. Quina tried to join in. Soon Tidus and Tifa also sang along.

"Why do you torment me? I came up here for peace!" Red whined.

**Studio**

"Well that's what you get for not coming off the roof Red!" Davina said as if talking to a child. "And that's all we have time for tonight! We'll see you on Thursday for what else happened this week and also to see if Red comes down or if Rinoa does kill Yuna or Tidus!" Davina cackled. "What fun!"


	5. Week 2 part 2

_**Well here we are again sorry about the quick revival just want to get this week done before we traipse off for another six months and update again later…**_

_**Hey its what we do I suppose**_

_**On going project heh**_

_**Longest going one yet!**_

_**Ok well of course disclaimers, don't own characters, don't own Davina and she's not pregnant in our series either. **_

_**Uh nothing like that and we really love Davina really…**_

_**Really!**_

**Big Brother**

**Week 2 Part 2**

**Studio**

"Welcome back!" Davina trills, "Yet another thrilling, half week! The housemates discover who will face the public vote, there is a fight over shower gel, there is a crash and burn scenario and one housemate is punished severely. Oh and Yuna and Tidus kiss some more."  
"Can you believe it!"

_Theme Tune Plays_

**Day 11**

**Diary Room**

**9.23am**

_Cid has been in the Diary room demanding Big Brother returns his hover craft._

"Why did you take it you sadistic &&s!"

"It was a health hazard."

"Cooooooourse it was, my ass it was bin liners on a cardboard platform!"

"Health Hazard Cid!"  
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT!"

"Nothing !"

"I BET YOU DID YOU SON OF &£$&!"

"I swear to you Cid I did nothing."  
"LIAR!"  
"Get out Cid."  
"No not until I see my property."  
"It belongs to Big Brother now!"

"DAMN YOU TO HELL!" Cid shrieked and stormed out of the Diary Room

**9.30am**

"I know this is silly and childish… but can't you just give him his hover thingy?" Tifa asked softly.

"No."  
"But why not?" Tifa asked in a put out tone.

"Because it's a health hazard."  
"But you know it won't work! It'll be fine just let him play around for a bit he'll get bored."

"No."

**9.37am**

"He just won't shut up…" Vivi cried.

"I know Vivi."  
"Can't you just give him what he wants?"  
"No."  
"Ok…"  
"Do you want me to stop Cid crying?"  
"No I'll do it." Vivi walks out the Diary Room.

**9.48am**

"This is just too brilliant." Zell laughed.  
"What is so funny Zell?"  
"Vivi asked Eiko to silence Cid."  
"And?"  
"She did! Oh it was great! But now he's breaking glasses and you can't walk around bare foot…"

**9.54am**

"Someone could have at least told me that there was glass everywhere!" Rikku howled holding up her bloodied feet to the Diary Room camera.

"Put them down they're scaring Big Brother!" Big Brother said in a tone of annoyance.

"Well they hurt! I mean what's Cid playing at? He can't just break glass when he's annoyed! If we all did that we'd all have feet like this!" She pulled her feet up again.

"I said put them down!"

"I mean God what's he so upset about anyway?" Rikku growled.

"Big Brother has no idea…"

**10.17am**

"Just spent 10 minutes healing Rikku's feet… Hey do you know what's wrong with Cid, he seems more agitated than usual." Yuna sighed flicking her fringe out of her face.

"Big Brother does not know."

"Yeah he's acting very scarily… has he been silenced or something?"  
"Big Brother can confirm that Eiko silenced Cid."  
"Oh… got any echo screens?"

**Garden**

**11.34am**

_In return for Cid cleaning up all the glass and not yelling Big Brother has decided it is safer for the housemates well being if Cid got his hover craft back. He's been tinkering with it in the garden for the past 35 minutes. Tidus is watching._

"So what exactly are you doing?" Tidus asked standing over Cid.

"I'm trying to see if they put any damn holes in the air bag!" Cid growled.

"Shouldn't it have holes?" Tidus asked carefully stepping around the hover craft.

"Why the hell should it have holes?" Cid snapped.

"So it doesn't explode?"

**Bedroom**

_Meanwhile Rikku, Yuna and Tifa are in the bedroom having a girlie chat._

"These scars will never go away… God my feet are ugly!" Rikku mourned over her punctured feet.

"Don't worry sweetie that's not the place a man looks at." Tifa reassured her.

"But it is!"  
"It's not…"  
"It might be… don't want to have punctured feet…" Rikku whined.

"At least they're not bloody anymore." Yuna reassured her.

"…."

**Bathroom**

_Around this time, Eiko, Quina and Vivi are examining themselves in the mirror._

"I think I have moon burn." Eiko sighed

**Living Area**

**1.04pm**

_Eiko and Quina are cooking the evening meal, the housemates have all decided to have snacks between this time and this meal, Big Brother told Zell they'd starve. Cid and Vivi are in the garden. The rest of the housemates are in the living area._

"What the hell are they doing anyway?" Tifa muses.

"Building a hovercraft." Zell replies deadpan while taking a huge bite out of a hot dog.

"But why?" Tifa asks.

Tidus is attempting to plait Yuna's hair.

"Because he wants out of here, it's the only thing keeping him sane." Zell replies throwing his hot dog wrapper away.

"Why doesn't he just sit on the roof with Red?" Tifa asks.

Zell raises an eyebrow and opens another hot dog shaking his head.

**Garden**

**1.10pm**

"Well I suppose I could cast Aero on it…"  
"BRILLIANT!" Cid claps Vivi on the shoulder causing him to fall over. "Then we fly this baby over the horizon and to freedom."  
"But… why?" Vivi asks scrambling to his feet and adjusting his hat.

"It's freedom!" Cid says just throwing his fist in the air.

"Yeah but… didn't you volunteer yourself to come into this house, I mean technically this is self imprisonment."  
"…"  
"Mr Cid?"

Cid's shoulders raise and he turns around his face contorted with anger.

"Well you did put yourself in here didn't you?" Vivi asks timidly.  
"You know what… Just…!"  
"Sorry Mr. Cid."

"SHUT IT!"

**Kitchen**

**4.27pm**

_Rinoa and Tifa are discussing their fellow housemates, Tifa keeps glancing out the window at Cid and his Hovercraft._

_After putting the roast in the oven, Eiko is doing the dishes on a stool, Quina is licking the leftovers from the night before off._

"Yesterdays pot noodle." Eiko says passing Quina a plate.

"Is yucky."  
"Yeah I know, make with the licking."  
"Ok."

"Do you think Zell likes me?" Rinoa asks.

Tifa looks at her carefully, then to Zell who is asleep in the garden by the pool, "No."

"Do you think Cid likes me?"

Tifa repeats the process looking to Cid who is dancing around his hovercraft. "No."

"Do you think Tidus likes me?"  
"No."

"Oh."

_Squall sits by television, "I like you! I LIKE YOU!" He cries._

"Do you smell burning?" Eiko asks Quina absentmindedly glancing at the roast in the oven.

"No. Now give me other plate."

"Why it's just more pot noodle stuff."  
"Tis quite yummy actually."  
"Suuuure."

**Bedroom**

**5.02pm**

_Rikku is in the bedroom painting her toes, Yuna and Tidus are snuggling on Rinoa's bed._

"There! No more disgusting feet!" Rikku grins cheerfully.

Yuna in Tidus's arms glances at her own bare feet.

"Do you like my feet?" She asks.

"Your feet?" He repeats. "Uhhh yeah Yuna, your feet rock!" He says nodding.

"You sure?" She asks uncertain.

"Yeah! You have great feet Yuna!"

"How?"

"Uhhh… they are small and… uhhh… pointy!"

Rikku snorts.

"Pointy?" Yuna replies hurt.

"Petite! I meant… petite!"

"Sure you did!" Rikku smiles walking out of the bedroom on the balls of her feet.

**Bathroom**

**8.54pm**

_Eiko, Vivi and Tidus are looking at themselves in the mirrors._

"So show me where this moon burn is…" Tidus looked at Vivi and Eiko unconvinced.

"There and there!" Eiko said pointed at the backs of her arms.

"That's mud."

**Garden**

"Well I think this baby is ready to go!" Cid clapped his hands together. "Get Vivi, Tifa."

"Ok but you know this won't work." Tifa said as she walked off.

"It sure will!" Cid retorted but Tifa just raised her hand indifferently.

"I've seen the end of this." Red mused from the roof.

"Oh yeah?" Cid growled.

"I've seen your demise." Red cackled.

"SHUT THE &$& UP!" Cid clenched his fists in annoyance.

**Garden**

**9.10pm**

_Vivi and Cid are standing on the hover craft. All the other housemates have come to watch._

"Ok when I say "go" cast your wind spell into that hole ok! You understand me?"  
"I think so Mr Cid…" Vivi replied uncertainly.

"Ok… Well guys it's been fun. Me and Vivi will see you on the other side." Cid said giving an army salute. Tidus and Zell mimicked him. Rinoa glared, Tifa covered her mouth Yuna and Rikku gave each other a tearful hug. Eiko and Quina just looked over in awe. Red started laughing.

"Right… Vivi go!"

"Go?" Vivi paused.

"Cast your wind spell!" Cid commanded.

"Wind?"  
"He means Aero." Eiko called over.

"Oh! Aero!" Vivi sighed and pointed his spell into the hole of the cardboard.

"We have lift off!" Cid cackled.

Everyone looked in awe as Cid and Vivi started hovering towards the barbed wire wall.

Red was still laughing as Vivi suddenly screamed as they passed the barbed wire and jumped off.

**Garden (still)**

**9.17pm**

"What just happened?" Rinoa looked around a little confused.

"Vivi jumped off." Eiko started laughing. Red was already unable to breathe. "And there he is! You ok little dude?"

"Yeah I'm fine!" Cid replied from the other side of the wall.  
"Not you!" Eiko screamed and ran over to the fallen Vivi.

"Don't mind me then, I think I may have broken my neck but I'm fine!" Cid called sarcastically.

"I don't think you will be. Here come the guard dogs." Red paused. "Oh dear…"

**Diary Room**

**9.24pm**

"Vivi are you ok?"

"I think so, my head hurts… how far did I fall?"  
"3 feet."

"Wow that's far…"

"Not really…"

**9.29pm**

"Big Brother?" Rikku shouted. "Me and Rinoa are betting slices of bread. I think Cid's dead. She doesn't… If I win I get 2 slices of bread all to myself. So tell me the good news!"  
"Cid is not dead."

"Damnit! Why not? I heard those guard dogs."  
"He is just mortally wounded but Big Brother admires you for your worry to your fellow housemates."

"Does mortally wounded count as dead?" Rikku sighed. "Or are you just trying to confuse me?"

"Now why would I do that my blonde friend?"  
"I don't know!" Rikku sighed.

**9.35pm**

"Mortally wounded?" Rinoa repeated a third time.

"Yes Rinoa."  
"What does that mean?"  
"It means he was hurt really bad!"

"Oh… so he's not dead."  
"No."

**9.38pm**

"Haha, this is great! All the girls think Cid is dead!" Zell laughed again. "I gotta tell ya this is the best thing that has happened in this place!"  
"You show such compassion for your fallen comrade!" Big Brother sighed.

"You got that right!"

**Garden**

**10.04pm**

_Narrator: The housemates have been drinking the alcohol Big Brother provided to help them come to terms with the fact that Cid may still be alive somewhere. Vivi and Eiko are forbidden from drinking. They are sitting in the garden talking to Red who has also been forbidden from drinking any alcohol until he comes down from the roof._

"I still don't see why I can't have any." Eiko sighed watching the older housemates in the living room drinking the bottles with added vigour as they are not allowed.

"Because you're too young." Red growled.

"But don't you want any?" Eiko asked innocently in a childish tone.

"No, go away."  
"What about you Vivi?" Eiko turned to Vivi who was holding a cold compress to the back of his head.

"I don't want any." Vivi sighed.

"Why not?" Eiko cried incredulously.

"Because it's evil… it's evil tonic that makes you evil!" Vivi spat.

"It's alcohol Vivi!" Red countered. "Nothing evil about it!"  
"Oh yeah! Then why did my Grandpa fall off a cliff because of it?"  
"Ok it might be a bit evil… But not too evil." Red sighed.

"So because they're drinking it they're evil now?" Eiko asked.

"I dunno. Maybe."

**Diary Room**

**10.13pm**

"They are all evil! Therefore you must allow me to summon Madeen and get rid of the evil people in this house for the safety of the good!" Eiko smiled sweetly after saying this.

"No."  
"But why? They're _evil_!"

"They're not evil Eiko. Just drunk." Big Brother sighed.

"Drunk is evil. Vivi told me so!"  
"Vivi thinks that 3 feet is far, shows how much he knows."

"Oh come on! Just one Holy!"  
"No."  
"Ok… Fenrir?"  
"No."

"PHOENIX!"  
"NO! EIKO JUST NO!"

**10.27pm**

"EIKO JUST ATTACKED ME!" Zell screeched.

"She did not Zell, you're drunk."  
"She broke my beer bottle! WITH A ROCK! IS SHE A BARBARIAN?"

"No just annoyed Zell."

"Could've sliced my eye out!"

"Yuna healed you."  
"But the beer… is no more."  
"Cry me a river."

**10.34pm**

"There is glass everywhere! Again!" Rikku shouted at the top of her lungs. "And once again! I have glass in my feet! LOOK!"

"No thank you Rikku."

"LOOK!"

**Roof**

**11.47pm**

_The housemates are still drinking and playing spin the bottle. But Eiko is now watching them behind the sofa. Vivi has gone to bed and so has Quina and Tidus. Red is still sitting on the roof dreaming of a martini and acting like a lion version of James Bond._

"I like mine… stirred not shaken." Red mused. "Or was it shaken not stirred…" He paused.

"Vivi!" He shouted. "VIVI!"

…

"Oh he's in bed… He watches James Bond doesn't he… Or was it Dragonball Z… Either way."

**Living Room**

"Ok Yuna… come on just a small one! Be nice!" Zell grinned.

"No! I can't! Tidus is next door!"  
"It's just a game!" Rinoa smiled knowingly.

"Ok on the cheek." Yuna pushed her head to the side for a cheek kiss.

"Ok!" Zell grinned taking his chances.

"Damn too innocent!" Rinoa growled in disappointment only to be hit on the head by a luring Eiko.  
"No evil scheming!" Eiko snarled.

Yuna knelt down and span the bottle carefully.

"NO!" Rinoa shrieked.

"Haha you must kiss the one you so despise!" Eiko laughed evilly.

"Too evil." Tifa growled at Eiko.

"Oh Tidus is missing out!" Zell grinned noting he was the only older male awake.

"Wait!" Rikku ran to the garden. "RED! TIFA AND YUNA ARE KISSING!"

"I'M kissing Yuna, Rikku!" Rinoa shouted irritably.

"Oh, Rinoa and Yuna are kissing!" Rikku corrected herself.

"Go away Rikku and buy some clothes." Red snarled after flicking a none existent scarf around his neck.

"Fine! But you're missing out! Ok girls go for it!"

"No!" Rinoa snapped.

"Come on please!" Zell cried.

"NO!" Rinoa growled.

"I'll give you more of my bread!" Rikku suggested.

"How much more?" Rinoa leant in.

"All of Quina's. Hey I _am _a thief."

"Deal. Ok come on then."

_Cid is being returned to the Big Brother house at this moment._

**Diary Room**

"You may now re-enter the Big Brother house." Big Brother spoke to a mummified Cid. All the camera can see of Cid is his fingers and too big red eyes staring through many bandages.

"Thu… u!" He said in a muffled tone.

"I love you too Cid." Big Brother sighed. As a doctor pushed Cid through the Diary Room door.

**Living Room**

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! MUMMY!" Eiko screamed.

"Your mummy?" Tifa asked.

"No a MUMMY! Over there!" Eiko pointed to bandaged Cid in a wheelchair at the Diary Room door.

"Cid?" Tifa ran out of the Living Room.

"CID! Oh I never thought…" Rinoa runs away from Yuna's pursued lips.

"WHAT? CID?" Zell cried in frustration.

**Diary Room**

**12.03am**

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BIG BROTHER!"

"What's the matter Zell? Are you not happy to be reunited with your long dead housemate?"  
"NO!" Zell screamed again.

"Oh… why not Zell?"  
"Because! WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO HAVE TWO OF THE HOTTEST FEMALE CHARACTERS KISS! KISS! DID YOU HEAR ME?"

"Big Brother can hear you perfectly fine at your normal tone of voice."  
"SO?"  
"Big Brother senses you are upset with Big Brother."  
"YES!"  
"Why?"  
"Didn't you hear me? RINOA and YUNA! _RINOA AND YUNA!"_

**12.11am**

"Zell is a little upset about the whole disruption of the kiss thing." Tifa sighed.

"Big Brother heard."

"But I'm glad Cid is alive, with Red on the roof it's hard to find someone to talk to about Midgar… Oh but he can't talk much." Tifa sighed again.

"Big Brother heard him say things."  
"Really?"  
"Oh yes."  
"Were they swear words?"  
"Yes."  
"Figures." Tifa laughed.

There was silence for a few minutes.

"I wonder if Zell would be as upset if it was me up there kissing another girl." Tifa pondered.

**Bedroom**

**12.43am**

_Yuna has snuggled into bed with Tidus, Tifa has carried Cid to bed and put him on his bed, but he can't put his legs down so he's sleeping with his limbs in the air. Eiko, Rinoa and Rikku are also asleep. Red is still pondering whether he is James Bond._

"Are you sure you're comfortable like that?" Tifa sighed.

"Nnnn…" Cid mumbled.

"You sure?"  
"Nnnnn!" Cid muttered a bit louder.

"You look like a dead bird…" Zell growled. "Why couldn't you stay like that?"

"Zell!" Tifa chided.

"What? It's his fault for escaping!" Zell asked in a voice that would envy Eiko.

Cid bent all the fingers apart from the middle finger on his right hand.

"Right back atcha dude." Zell shouted. "Or do you want me to break them too?"

"Zell just go to bed, you missed out get used to it!" Tifa growled and prepare herself for bed.

"Fine I will!"

**Studio**

"Wow wasn't that a long day!" Davina laughed nervously. "Well be right back after a commercial break and you can see how the housemates deal with the invalid that is CID!"

Commercial Break

"_Ever wanted to be as sexy as the Gullwings?" Buddy's voice echoes through a blank screen. "Well now you can!"  
"With my new range of underwear!" Rikku smiled._

"_Worn by all the Gullwings." Buddy added._

_Brother walks on screen. "Even me!" He is fashioning beautiful pink boxers with pink feathers._

"_You look fabulous Brother!" Rikku smiled seductively at the camera._

"_Crid ib!" Brother snarled._

"_Gullwings underwear range, are your nearest retailer!"_

End of Commercial Break

**Studio**

"You see why we waited after the watershed to show that particular advert can't you! But we promised you Rikku's underwear advert and there it was!" Davina smiled with gleaming pearly whites. "Now then today we're going to see the housemates get used to a certain thing we mere mortals call…"

She pauses and glances at the camera with scary eyes. "HANGOVERS!… Oi tech dude where's the ghost sounds?… oh never mind! Roll the clip!"

**Day 12**

**Bedroom**

**12.46pm**

_Narrator: Eiko and Vivi have been trying to get their fellow housemates up for 2 hours. Once again, Red is laughing on the roof._

"GET UP!" Eiko squealed at a bruised eyed Zell.

"No, I can't move… I'm dead."  
"You're not dead! Red said it was a hangover!" Eiko said knowledgably.

"Go away Eiko." Zell cried.

"NO! Now get up!"  
"No!" Zell cried more, tears streaming down his face.

"Oh…" Eiko growled exasperatedly. "How are you doing Vivi?"  
"No good, Rinoa is out cold and Rikku keeps hitting me." Vivi sighed.

"What about Cid?" Eiko suggested.

"Thu… ff…" Cid growled beneath bandages.

"Leave him to Tifa, she can lift him." Vivi said happily.

"Did he really sleep like that all night?" Eiko asked whilst grabbing an errant wet towel off the floor.

"Something tells me he didn't sleep." Vivi replied.

"Oh well. Come on Zell!" Eiko growled and began whipping Zell's back with the towel.

"MERCY! Oh Shiva mercy please!" Zell gurgled.

**Garden**

**12.53pm**

_Some of the housemates have gotten out of bed, and have taken refuge in the garden because it's as far as they can crawl._

"It's so bright!" Rikku cried covering her eyes with her hands.

"Too bright." Zell whinged.

"I wish I was dead…" Rinoa agreed.

"You guys are pathetic," Red growled. "can't even handle a little drink."

"Did I really kiss Yuna?" Rinoa groaned.

"Nope." Replied a moody Zell.

"Thank God!" Rinoa collapsed on the grass with relief.

"Not thank god!" Zell snapped angrily.

**1.04pm**

_Tifa has moved Cid into the garden and was shaping his nails with a nail file._

"I hope you're feeling alright Cid." Tifa mused to him softly.

He growled at her.

"Pink or red?"  
"NGGGGGHHHHHHH!"  
"Clear?" Tifa asked confused.

**Kitchen**

**1.30pm **

_Tidus is racing towards the kitchen area, Rikku is chasing fruitlessly. Quina is ambling along behind her._

"NOT IN THE SINK!" Rikku howled.

Tidus leans over the counter and promptly vomits.

"GREAT! Who do you think is going to clean this up? HUH!" Rikku snapped.

Tidus slides down the counter and leans against the cupboards holding his knees.

"Don't go all wounded on me!" Rikku screeches.

Quina sits on the floor beside him causing the ground to shake and Tidus to let go of his legs.

"You feel bad? You have best food in the world." Quina tells him, "Mushrooms!" Quina waves his arms around happily.  
Rikku growls at him and wanders off, Tidus gazes at him wonderingly.

**Diary Room**

**1.37pm**

"I am requesting the strongest bleach you have and I want it now! NOW!" Rikku growled.  
"Why is that Rikku?"  
"BECAUSE TIDUS WAS SICK IN THE SINK!" She screamed. "YOU HAVE CAMERAS YOU SHOULD KNOW!"  
"I do know. Big Brother has acknowledged your request."  
"Fabulous." Rikku threw her arms in the air in fake gratitude.

**Garden**

**1.45pm**

_Tifa is trying to move Rinoa and Zell into the living room so they don't get skin cancer. Cid is watching intently, as is Red._

"I know a way to get rid of hangovers you know." Tifa grinned as Rinoa's eyes light up.

"You do?" She muttered.

"Is it hotdogs?" Zell asked hopefully.

"No…" Tifa paused. "It's called coffee drink some!" And with that she walked away. Cid began laughing under his bandages and Red joined in not because of Tifa but because the wheelchair in which Cid was sitting in fell forward.

"NAAAAAAGH!"

**1.58pm**

"Oh Cid I'm so sorry!" Tifa squealed and tried to pick Cid back up.

"NAAAAAAAGH!" Cid screamed again.

"Oh does that hurt?"  
"Nnn nn nn!"

"I think that means yes." Red suggested.

"Oh I'm so sorry!" Tifa repeated as she tried to pick him up.

"SHUT UP! I HAVE A REALLY BAD HEADACHE HERE!" Rinoa cried.

**Kitchen**

**2.49pm**

_Tidus is still sitting against the cabinets. Quina is still sitting beside him. They are talking about food._

"I like frogs." Quina said in a happy tone.

"I like… water." Tidus sighed.

"How you like water?"  
"Huh?" Tidus said in slight pain holding his head.

"You no can like water! It have no taste!" Quina growled. "How you like water?"  
"Because it's water…" Tidus said struggling to find the words.  
"But you no can like water! Water no taste of anything!"  
"Maybe that's why I like it?"  
"No can't be… you like meat? I like frogs!"

"I like… frogs…?" Tidus nodded in agreement.

"You do?"  
"Yeah?" Tidus said a bit worriedly.

"I MAKE YOU FROG SOUP! You love it, Quina promise you."

"Yay…" Tidus laughed nervously.

**Bedroom**

**3.45pm**

"I don't feel very well." Yuna mused into her pillow.

"You want something?" Eiko asked.

"Food?" Yuna asked hopefully.

"You know we haven't got anything." Vivi sighed.

"Water?" Yuna asked again with a little less gusto.

"Quina broke the tap." Vivi sighed.

"Why?"

"Because Tidus said he liked water… Don't ask." Eiko sighed.

"Oh…" Yuna groaned and went back to sleep.

**Diary Room**

"Why did you break the tap Quina?"  
"Because! WATER IS NO FOOD!"

"But Quina people need to drink water or else they dehydrate."  
"Don't make up words."  
"It's not made up Quina. People dehydrate and get more irritable."

"I said no make up words!"  
"I'm not!" Big Brother growled.

"You is! Who ever heard of de-hi-mated! And irr-table!"

"The dictionary."

**Garden**

**4.12pm**

_Due the breaking of the taps in the kitchen the Yuna, Rinoa, Vivi and Eiko have been locked bedroom and Cid, Tifa, Tidus, Zell and Rikku have been locked in the garden whilst the tap is fixed. Big Brother refuses to tidy the water that has soaked all the furniture so the housemates are plotting the death of Big Brother. And Quina who has been locked in the bathroom. Red is laughing at their schemes. _

"Let me IN!" Rikku shrieked.

Red howled merrily.

"NNNNNGHHHHH!" Cid attempted.

Tidus and Zell are currently tossing a cushion that was misplaced in the garden back and forth, Zell being strong in the upper arms throwing as hard as he could and Tidus treating it like a blitz ball hurling it back.

"Stop showing off." Zell snapped.

"Can I play?" Tifa asked walking away from an almost relieved Cid.

"No." Zell snorted.

"Sure…" Tidus added.

"Yes or no?" She asked perplexed.

"Sure…" Tidus repeated.

"No!" Zell snapped.

"Why not?"

"Because you're a girl." Zell snarled. "You'll ruin it."

Tidus chucked the pillow at Tifa. Zell stalks off and begins to pummel garden door. "Let me in!"  
"What's his problem?" Tifa asked tossing the pillow back.

"He has girl issues." Tidus sighs.

"He's still sore about last night?"

Tidus shrugged.

"Come on Zell it's just a friendly game!" Tifa shouted over Zell's pounding against the door, he ignoring her furiously.

Tifa pitches the cushion at his head causing him to knock his head against the window. Zell slid to the floor unconscious.

"What did you do that for?" Rikku asked.

"He was ignoring me…" Tifa mutters hurt.

Red barely contains his laughter and Cid jiggles in his chair worriedly.

**Bedroom**

**4.15pm**

_Yuna, Rinoa, Vivi and Eiko have been locked bedroom_

"I wonder what Tidus is doing…" Yuna muses.

"Give it a rest woman!" Eiko snapped.

"What?" Yuna asks hurt.

"I wonder what Tidus is doing waah waah waah blah blah blah… waah waah waah!" Rinoa moans. "Can't you think for yourself… better yet think of something interesting?"

"But I miss him!" Yuna says painfully.

"You can't he was in here about half an hour ago!" Eiko cries adding into the conversation.

Vivi is asleep on his bed oblivious to the women's argument.

Eiko pouted and growled. "I'm borrrrrrred!"

"Don't use your horrible voice Eiko." Rinoa sighed.

"But I'm BORRRRED!"

"Then entertain yourself." Rinoa snapped.

Eiko wanders over to Yuna, "Wanna summon fight?"  
"Why?" Yuna groaned.

"Because, get up!" Eiko summoned Madeen. "It'll cheer you up! Get your mind off lover boy!"

"Ok… Valefor!" Yuna sighed.

"Wait how are you still able to summon?" Rinoa yells.

"I dunno…" Yuna shrugged.

"Ok whatever! ATTACK!"

**Bathroom**

**4.37pm**

_Quina has been locked in the bathroom._

"DAMN YOU WATEEEEEER!" Quina squealed attacking the taps.

The taps explode.

Water goes everywhere.

"Oh dear… Water fight back!" Quina cries incredulously.

Water slowly fills the room.

**Bedroom**

**5.10pm**

"MADEEN! NO DON'T BREAK THROUGH THE WALL!" Eiko squealed. Madeen is thrown into the wall by sonic wings. She struggles but can't get out. Valefor prepares an Energy Beam. Madeen prepares a Terra Homing.

**Bathroom**

_Quina has been treading water for the past 10 minutes as the water is above his height. It tried to flush the toilet but that didn't work…_

"What that?" Quina paused seeing a large dent form in the wall, "Oh…" As it heard a bang.

**Bedroom**

"VALEFOR STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK SOMETHING!" Rinoa squealed.

"Please Valefor." Yuna pleaded.

"Haha, now she has her guard down!" Eiko grinned. "Go for it!"

Madeen performed Terra Homing.

**Bathroom**

"Why dent get bigger?" Quina wondered. "Oh big noise… is lion… mmmm lion…"

**Garden**

"Did you just hear something?" Tifa wondered mid throw.

"Oh no… is that Valefor?" Tidus yelled to Rikku.

"…. Probably…" Rikku sighed. "Everyone duck!"

Tifa, Tidus and Rikku fell to the floor, Cid wiggled madly but Red just started laughing even more. Zell was still unconscious by the windows.

Valefor broke through the bedroom into the living room and through to the garden. A very scary looking Madeen following.

And a torrent of water and 5 dishevelled housemates along with them. Along with several maintenance workers.

**Warehouse**

**9.04pm**

_The housemates have all been moved out of the Big Brother house whilst maintenance work is being done. They have been sitting around this table for 3 hours, none of the workers are allowed to talk to them. Only to provide biscuits and juice every 10 minutes. Red is not present because he is still on the roof. Zell is still unconscious._

_No one has spoken._

"I is sorry…" Quina sighed.

"Shut up." Eiko growled holding a cold compress to his forehead.

**Makeshift Diary Room**

**11.25pm**

"When you re-enter the Big Brother house you are not to break any taps or else you will be removed from the Big Brother house. Do I make myself clear?" Big Brother spoke like an angry parent.

"Yes ma'am…" Quina cried.

**11.35pn**

"When you return to the Big Brother house you are not to summon any eidolons or aeons unless told to or else you will be removed from the Big Brother House! Do I make myself clear?"  
"Yessir…" Yuna and Eiko sighed.

**11.50pm**

"Upon returning to the Big Brother house you are not to make any hover crafts or escape attempts. If you do you are going to be locked in the toilet with Quina. Do I make myself clear?"  
"Thu…. U!" Cid growled.

**Studio**

"And that's the end of another exciting edition of Big Brother. See you on Friday for another eviction!" Davina grinned happily

_Credits_

_Theme Tune._

A/N: Who goes you decide? The nominations are: Cid Red or Rinoa!


End file.
